Broken
by bellacullen166
Summary: At 10 Bella's mom remarried. At 10 1/2 abuse started. At 11 Bella escaped to Forks with her father. Two months later Bella meets her best friends; the Cullens. At 13 her father is killed in the line of duty and moves in with the Cullens. At 15 she finds her best friend making out with a classmate at a party. At 16 she is forced to see her mom and stepfather. At 17 she can't take it
1. Chapter 1

_He sneaks into my room at night without my mother knowing it. He tells me this will be our little secret as he climbs into bed with me. He tells me that if I am good, it won't hurt as much and that he won't hurt my mom if I cooperate with him. I don't understand until I realize my nightgown is hitched up around my torso and my light blue panties are now on the floor beside the bed. Before I can try to do anything about it, there is burning down where nobody should have ever touched. _

I wake up gasping for air with tears streaming down my face and as I look at the clock showing that it is two o clock in the morning, Edward knocks gently on the door. Walking in and closing the door quietly so he doesn't wake anyone else in the house, Edward comes and lays down beside me. Curling up into him I silently thank him once more for coming to my rescue. What I fail to realize is that this would be the very last time he does so. There isn't going to be a next time because what I am going to find him doing within the next two days is going to change our relationship.

**Age: 15**

Its Halloween weekend and of course that means that Emmett and Rosalie will be throwing a party as soon as Carlisle and Esme go away for some type of convention. Alice has been talking nonstop about what to wear for the past two weeks and for me, I could care less about a silly costume. Really as long as I have Edward beside me, I don't mind whatever Alice has in store for me.

"Okay kids, we will be back Monday morning," Carlisle tells us as they finish packing up the car to go to Seattle for the convention. "If you need anything, you will be able to reach us on our cells and at the hotel."

Emmett rolls his eyes. "We've got this, pop. We know the rules," Emmett tells Carlisle with his arms crossed around his chest. "Promise to call if anything happens, kay?"

Esme raises an eyebrow at Emmett in suspicion. "It would seem, Carlisle, that our kids are ready for us to leave for the weekend."

That statement rung true to everyone's ears except for mine. Them being gone would be basically the end of the world seeing as the house will be now packed full of people and blaring music. Edward nudges my arm gently, making me stare up at him to see him smiling with excitement. I laugh only a little and to be honest I wouldn't even call it a laugh as it was more of my nerves getting the best of me.

"Come _on_, Bella! You look smoking!" Alice shouts at me as she is finished her voodoo magic on me.

Rosalie pops her head in and seems to be surprised at what she sees. "Damn Bella, you look hot!" She exclaims. "Party is in an hour."

My face reddens at Roses comment of me and I go over to the full-length mirror to take a look at myself. Even I must say that Alice did a pretty damn good job at making me look decent. She has me dressed up as Cat Woman this year and for some unknown reason, she seems to like cleavage showing. A bit too much in my opinion but knowing Alice she won't let me cover myself up. I've got on skin-tight leather leggings to match a lowcut leather tank top of sorts along with short high heeled boots to go with it the whole ensemble. Before I can walk out the bedroom however, Alice hands me cat ears and sprays me with some glitter and perfume before sending me on my way.

As I near the end of the staircase I hear Emmett whistle loudly which makes me blush and all eyes seem to turn on me. Edward smiles automatically at me as I make my way over to stand next to him.

"I take it Alice picked out your costume?" I ask as I notice Edward is dressed as Batman.

Edward chuckles. "Of course, she did."

About three hours into the party when everyone has had one too many drinks of punch spiked with a buttload of vodka, I make my way outside to get some fresh air. Before long Edward walks out and finds me sipping from a red solo cup and puts his arm around my shoulders. Looking up I smile at him.

"Enjoying yourself?" I ask as I noticed he had been dancing with Jessica from class.

He nods. "She isn't much of a dancer," He tells me before continuing, "I think she likes me."

I laugh a little. "Of course, she likes you Edward, the whole damn grade does."

Before Edward can say anything back, he is whisked away once more by Jessica and as I watch as she drags him away, I can tell he is happy. As much as I don't want him to be with her, if its what he wants then I can't stop him, and I most certainly can't tell him any different. As the night goes on, I notice Mike Newton pay attention to me, it must be due to the outfit I am wearing at the moment mixed with the unsavory taste of alcohol. Whatever the cause of his affection, I seem to be getting bitter as I notice that Edward is nowhere to be found.

Making my way up to my bedroom I get stopped by Alice who has grabbed my hand giggling. Looking at her I can't help but laugh as I see Jasper beside her trying to calm her down but naturally doesn't succeed in doing so.

"Where are you going?! Aren't you having fun?" Alice shouts over the music.

"To my room so I can hear myself think for more than five seconds," I shout back at her. "I'll be back down; I promise!"

Alice releases my arm, leaving me free to make my way to my bedroom and close the door behind me. Taking a deep breath in, I make my way to the closet to find a coverup, so I won't be so cold when I go back outside. In the backyard I notice there is now a fire going on in the makeshift firepit that Carlisle and the boys dug a couple of years ago. People are laughing and talking and swaying to the sound of music in the background. Finding an empty seat, I grab yet another cup of punch and sit down to keep to myself. Before long, Mike has once again found his way to me and sits in the chair beside me.

The night seems to take forever to end but by the time two thirty in the morning hits, everybody has seemed to make their way out of the house. As I walk back inside the house, I notice everything trashed and if for some reason Carlisle and Esme were to come home right at this second, we would all be dead. Instead of going to bed I make my way into the kitchen to grab a trash bag to start cleaning up. It takes about fifteen minutes just for the kitchen itself and another ten minutes for our dining room. I can hear giggling coming from the staircase in the living room and voices, so I try not to go in until I feel its safe to do so.

"Call me in the morning?" I hear Jessica say.

I don't hear Edwards reply but I do hear the front door open and close to which I walk through the door into the living room. Edward stops in his tracks as he sees me, but I try to ignore the feeling of pain in my chest as he looks at me. I pay him no attention as I tie up the trash bag and finally turn to look at my best friend. He is in nothing but pajama bottoms and as I look at him, I can see he doesn't seem to know if he should say anything.

"Have fun?" I ask but not really wanting an answer out of him.

He gives me a huge grin; I know instantly just how much _fun _he has had tonight. Without replying to said grin, I walk over to the front door and place the bag of empty beer cans and red solo cups on the porch.

"I seen Mike was all over you," Edward tries to conversate.

I shake my head. "He was drunk and was hoping to get laid. No, thank you," Going into the kitchen I grab another trash bag and start collecting even more beer cans and plastic cups along with a couple of vodka bottles.

"Oh, come on, almost every girl wants themselves a Mike Newton," Edward smirks.

"Almost," I tell him with a sigh which only rewards me with a questionable look.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," I say with irritation clear in my voice as I try to work faster at cleaning up.

"Whatever; have fun cleaning," Edward says before running his hand through his hair and make his way up to his room.

Later that night when I am finally able to relax enough to try to sleep, my nightmares come to life in my unconscious mind. At about six in the morning is when I wake up in a cold sweat and instantly, I want to make my way to Edwards room. On any normal, or for what passes as such, I wouldn't hesitate but this time I do and its not for fear of waking my best friend, but rather if because of what happened Edward won't want me there anymore. Swallowing down my fear the seems to start to rise even more as I knock gently on his bedroom door. A few seconds later I hear Edward shuffling to his door and looks down at me with sleep still evident in his eyes.

"You're going to have to get over your nightmares sooner or later, Bella," Edward says a little roughly.

My stomach drops.

"Just go back to your room and try to relax your mind," He tells me right before slamming the door in my face.

And just like that… he is gone.

There goes my best friend.

There goes my hope.

**A/N: So, what did you guys think? Like it so far? I couldn't sleep the other night and for whatever reason this kinda came to mind and didn't seem to want to leave. Well until next time!**

** -bellacullen166**


	2. Chapter 2

**Age: 15**

It has been a full four months since the spineless twit stole my best friend from me, and even his siblings. Maybe I am a little bitter at the fact that we don't hang out with each other like we used to, but we don't even speak to one another anymore either. Mostly I've just kept out of their way when he brings Jessica over to the house which is almost every day after school and is annoying to sit through. Right now, its lunch period and I am sitting between Alice and Edward which has grown to be a completely awkward feeling by now. As Jessica makes her way over Alice nudges my arm gently and gives me a small smile and crosses her eyes without letting Edward see our exchange.

Neither of us can contain our laughs as she comes near but before we quiet down Edward turns towards us.

"What's so funny?" He asks seemingly to try to get us to trip up in our own inside joke.

"Nothing!" We say in unison as we quiet ourselves down just as Jessica sits down on the other side of Edward.

As lunch carries on, I start doodling on a napkin waiting for the bell to ring for next class. Even though we don't talk but a couple of words to each other anymore, we both have English class together without Jessica. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I look forward to this class every day because I know it will just be me and him. Not even Jessica's friends are in that class and I am thankful for that beyond belief but for some reason I can't seem to let myself talk to him. I jump half-way out of my seat at the lunch table when I hear the loud shrill of the bell signaling for next class. I can hear Edward chuckle, possibly to himself as I grab my things and start walking away.

"Pathetic," Jessica grumbles under her breath as I pass her in a haste.

"Okay class, this week we will be watching three different movies," Mr. Branham says loud enough to make the class go quiet for a few seconds before cheering. "Yeah, yeah quiet down, you will be writing an essay of two of the movies so pay close attention girls and boys."

The class groans as they realize their brains will still need to be used for this activity. I, however, go ahead and pull out a notebook and pen and start writing a few notes as the movie starts. From beside me, I can feel what used to be my best friends' eyes on me. Shifting in my seat uncomfortably, I notice that there is a piece of paper between us but choose to ignore it until Edward slides it right in front of me. Frowning I let my hair cover my face as I stare down at the note before flipping it over to see Edward wrote something to me. My heart skips a couple beats as my stomach becomes nothing but an overload of nerves.

'_I'm sorry,'_ the note reads.

Sorry? He's apologizing? But for what? The fact that he basically up and ditched me without a second look back? That he had cut me off like I hadn't ever mattered to him or that the only person who could help me through my nightmares, all in one night, pushed me to the side and told me to get over it? Doesn't he understand that if I could get over it that I would? Doesn't he understand that if I could force myself to forget that it would be forgotten? Doesn't he understand that what haunts me at night is not just something as inconsequential as a mere nightmare, but something that felt so much more real because… because it was. Doesn't he understand?

Doesn't he?

'_For what?'_ I write back with a shaking hand and my heart pounding in my chest.

'_For what Jess said in the cafeteria earlier.'_

And then I remember something…. I remember that he indeed, does not, and will not understand. He will never understand the fear that creeps into my bedsheets as _he_ once used to. He will never understand that it is not just a nightmare because the things in such a dream were once reality and that reality is what haunts me in the night. It is that same reality that is the reason I needed to be in his arms when I wake with such a start that keeps me from seeing the reality that is now.

So, in a simple answer; no, I fear, he doesn't understand.

I squeeze my eyes shut to gain my composure once more before telling him that its fine, that it doesn't matter. But even as I say these things with as much confidence as I can gather, we both know I am lying through my teeth.

**Age: 15 turning 16**

Its summer once more and I open up my balcony door and let the fresh air inside my bedroom. I can hear the nature all over, but what most certainly does not go with nature is the delicious smell of Esme's cooking coming from downstairs. Just then my stomach rumbles angrily but I decide to take a quick shower before making my way down to the kitchen. Turning the hot water on, I strip and step into the stream of water letting my head lull back. Last night was pretty rough after Jacob dropped me off at home. Edward and Jessica had an argument which for whatever reason or another, backfired onto me for being out until the time I promised Carlisle and Esme I would be home. I'm not even sure what Edwards and Jessica's fight was about, but because he felt like he had no control, he lashed out my own beating.

I for once, did not let him yell at me for absolutely nothing, and shouted back. Clearly if he was so unhappy in his relationship that he had to take it out on the only people that cared about him, then maybe he shouldn't be in said relationship. Before I got the chance to slam my own bedroom door in his face as he followed me up the staircase, he yelled at me to go to hell.

Doesn't he know that I am living in hell every night behind this closed door? Doesn't he know that I am trying to dig myself up out the hole I seem to be encased in? Doesn't he know that I am trying to keep myself as far away from him to make him happy? Doesn't he know that even though I need him more than I need air to breathe, that I would do anything to make him happy?

Doesn't he?

"Bella! Breakfast!" Emmett pounds on my bedroom door making me gasp and jump slightly in the shower and before I know it, I see a small amount of blood form on my forearm.

I've never been one for blood, but as I stare down at the small cut, I had unknowingly made on myself with my razor, I don't even feel queasy. There is another pounding on my door which snaps me out of my daydream.

"I'll be down in fifteen!" I shout loud enough for Emmett to hear me.

"Ma! Bella says she is fondling herself- "Emmett starts to shout before everyone in the house yells at him to shut up.

After a couple of minutes to recover from what just happened, I quickly finish shaving my legs and step out to get ready for the day. I dress in a pair of dark wash jean shorts that just so happens to compliment my legs and grab a dark royal blue tank top that has a flower lace pattern as is crosses over my shoulders. I fix my hair so that it is half up and half down before finding my way downstairs to the kitchen. The family is talking amongst themselves right before I walk in and everyone goes silent. I am already grabbing a plate from the cabinet and placing a waffle on it and before I realize the commotion has stopped.

Ever so slowly, I turn around and notice every single pair of eyes are on me which instantly brings on a blush. Why is everyone looking at me like this for?

"Morning?" I say shyly taking a bite of my blueberry waffle.

"So how was your date last night Bella?" Carlisle asks taking a drink from his coffee mug.

I raise an eyebrow as I swallow my food. "First off, it wasn't a date, we were just hanging out at the beach."

"Date!" Cough both Jasper and Emmett from the kitchen island.

"Damn Alice, you really ought to tell Jasper that we are never going to do it no matter how much he takes me on walks to the small river in the back for "BFF time"," I say in a very concerned voice which makes three things happen at the same time.

The first thing that happens is that Jaspers mouth hangs open in shock, as Emmett yells 'BBUURRRNN' very loudly. The second thing that happens is Edward nearly chokes on a piece of sausage that he had chewing on and third, all the girls bust out laughing. I smile at every single persons reaction, especially Edwards seeing as he very much deserves getting choked for all that he has done in the past year or so.

"Now if you don't mind, I will be taking a bike ride," I tell everyone and clean off my dish plate and fork before giving Carlisle and Esme a kiss on the cheek and head off to grab my shoes in my bedroom.

I put on a pair of socks and slip on my black converse before heading back down only to bump into Edward as I close my door.

"Sorry," He says as he steps to the side and what I notice isn't exactly normal but before I can say anything on the matter, Edward sees the cut on my arm and frowns. "What happened to your arm, Bella?"

"Oh uhm, Em scared me when I was in the middle of shaving and accidently cut my arm. Clumsy as you know," I tell him honestly, "I think," I mutter more to myself before shaking my head out of that thought.

"Of course, I know, Bella. You've been clumsy since the day I met you," He smiles at the memory, but I can't let myself to dwell on that moment for long.

"I should pro- "I start saying but cut myself off and instead decide to ask what was up with the pillow in front of him.

"Oh, uh, nothing, I think I got some ketchup on it, so I wanted to get the stain out before mom saw," He says lying through his teeth.

"Uuhuhh…. "Obviously not buying his lie. "You really expect me to believe that?" I arch my eyebrow. "You know you've never been able to lie to me."

"Things change," Edward pulls his eyebrows together almost glaring at me.

"Is that why you and Jessica are fighting? Because things change?" I shoot back before hitting him in the shoulder with my own as I move past him.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Edward is right though, things do change, and maybe he wasn't lying to me about the pillow, but I doubt that to be true. Things change, people however, change a minimal amount in my opinion. Edward is still the same Edward I knew just transformed into somebody that I no longer really know; somebody I yearn to get to know. This of course will never happen because he has made his feelings clear on multiple accounts. I most certainly do not need a repeat of his rejection anymore. As I come to a stop on a bridge, I look down at the rushing water underneath me. Its flowing slowly due to no high wind and for once it seems to be sunny with no cloud in sight.

"_It's okay Bella, I'll protect you," Edward whispers as he crawls next to me and hugs me in his arms careful not to wake his brothers and sisters around us. _

_We are having a sleep over and one of my nightmares came about and I woke up in a panic which seemed to have woken Edward as a result. I just met the Cullens and I love them already… especially Edward because I feel like nothing and no one could touch me as I lay in his arms. Slowly I fall to sleep to the sound of his whispering voice saying that he won't let nothing come for me._

And from that night one whenever I would wake up from one of my nightmares, as promised, he was there. Holding me and keeping me safe from everything outside of the bedroom. Tears stream down my face and I roughly brush them away with the back of my hand.

"Stupid," I tell myself as I hop back onto my bike and head back home.

**A/N: What are your thoughts? Questions? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Age: 15 ½**

My nightmares have been getting worse here lately and I can't seem to make them go away and almost every night I go soak in the tub trying to burn all the memories off of my skin. Tonight, however when I wake up from my old reality, there is a soft knock on my bedroom door. Covered in a thin layer of sweat, I make my way over to the door, opening it to see Edward standing there.

"Are you okay?" He asks me. "I heard you screaming."

I was screaming. That would explain why my throat felt so raw at the moment. Before I can even say anything, his own bedroom door opens and out pops the head of Jessica which instantly makes me shut down at the sight. She is probably the one who woke up and freaked out, not Edward.

"What's taking so long? Come back to bed, Eddie," Jessica says just above a whisper.

Eddie, internally I laugh at the nickname she gave him, even I can tell he hates it just as much as I hate hearing her call him that.

"I'll be there in a minute," Edward tells her as I see a small flash of annoyance towards her or maybe me because I woke them so late at night. "Are you okay?" He asks once more and before I get the chance to answer for the second time in a row, Jessica interrupts.

"Come _on_," Jessica whines stomping her foot like a child when she sees Edward doesn't make a move. "Now!" She demands.

Closing my eyes tightly I take a deep breath in and slowly exhale it to keep myself from yelling at her.

"Your girlfriend wants you. You should go before she gets angry," I whisper before closing my door and sliding down against it.

Even after I have closed the door, I hear Jessica whining because he still isn't in the room and huffs when he seemingly has walked away from my door down to Jasper and Alice's. A few moments later I hear Edwards door close and I let out a small sob as I cover my mouth so that it wouldn't be loud enough for them to hear. Another couple minutes go by and I finally stand up to walk back to my bed when there is yet another knock on my door. Slowly I open the door but instead of Edward, I see Jasper standing there rubbing his eyes.

"You okay darlin?" Jasper asks sincerely.

Instead of lying to him as I should have, I shake my head just as his arms enclose themselves around me and picks me up. Closing my door, Jasper makes his way over to my bed and lays me down as he sits beside me. Jasper doesn't say anything, he simply lets me cry in his shirt as he rubs my back.

This is the first night that Jasper spent with me and it wouldn't be the last time either. The next few times Alice seemed to have caught on and opted to go with him, taking her favorite teddy bear and giving it to me to hold as they comfort me through the night. If it weren't for them, I surely wouldn't have gotten through many nights and for that I am thankful.

**Age: 16**

There seems to be a lot more tension that I hadn't noticed before these past couple of months surrounding summer between Edward and Jasper. I can't help but feel bad about it because I feel as if it's my fault they aren't getting along as much anymore. Right now, everyone besides Edward and I are in Port Angeles shopping and roaming around enjoying the day. Last night was another bad nightmare so I am currently soaking in the tub.

Closing my eyes, I let myself sink down under the hot water and stay there for as long as I can before coming back up for some air. There is something sinister that pops into my mind as I realize that I am completely alone right now. Sure, Edward was here but he wouldn't check on me so it wouldn't matter if I _were _to do what could be done. My eye's drift back to the razor that has become a friend to me more and more every day.

I shake my head; no, I can't do that. It would hurt my family too much and I don't want them to be upset because of me.

My phone makes a dinging sound notifying me of a text message, so I grab my towel next to the tub and dry of my hands and see that Jacob has texted me. For some reason, Jacob seems to get under Edwards skin and we all three know this and quite frankly, it's one of the many reasons Jacob and I hang out so much. Jessica is away for the next three weeks on vacation with her family so that means I have a reprieve from their romance but now it's time to crank up my own.

Before I go too far, let me tell you a little secret everybody but Edward seems to know; Jacob is one hundred percent turned off by females and one thousand percent turned on by males. When Jacob and I first started hanging around a lot he noticed how I would act around Edward and Jessica, so he formed a plan to get him on edge as well. At first, I thought it would never work but as a couple weeks passed us by, I noticed a shift in Edwards demeaner. Not only had he become slightly more agitated when Jacob and Jessica were around, I noticed that he would make up every reason to seem to come and interrupt out 'make-out' sessions. It was working and I can't deny that I loved every second of it as well.

Jacob tells me he is on his way over, so I quickly get out of the tub and get ready for the day. I get dressed in a pair of capris leggings and a thin long-sleeved shirt leaving my hair down. After cleaning up my room a little and doing a load of laundry for myself, I make my way to the living room where Edward is currently sitting watching TV. The leggings I am wearing compliment my long legs and the shirt does something for the eyes as well and knowing this, I make sure to bend down to pick up a coaster that somebody knocked off of the table.

I can feel Edwards stare as I stand back up straight and as I hear the gravel outside shifting, I get a tad excited for what is to come.

"Mom said no company," Edward tries to tell me which in turn makes me roll my eyes.

"Does Esme know that you've been sneaking Jessica into your bedroom after you 'take her home'?" I shoot back at him knowing the answer, as I make my way to the front door.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Currently we are being obnoxious in the dining room to get a rise out of Edward, but this time seems to be different as instead of huffing and going to his room, Edward sits on the other side of the dinner table watching our exchange.

"Do you need something?" Jacob asks as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear glancing at Edward as he does so.

"Nope, just relaxing in my dining room," Edward says crossing his arms over his chest.

"How about we just go up to my room?" I suggest standing up and push in my chair.

"Good thinking," Jacob says wiggling his eyebrows making me giggle.

"Go on up, I'll grab us some drinks," I say as I make my way into the kitchen.

It's clear Jacob went ahead and went up to my bedroom because Edward decides to follow me into the kitchen, watching me intently.

"So, let me get this straight," I start pouring a cup of coke, "since your girlfriend isn't here, you are now interested to be around me?"

"That's absurd, Bella, you know that I- "

"No Edward. I don't know. So, when you get your head out of your ass and your dick out of hers, you know where I'll be," I cut him off angrily and finish up, pushing passed Edward and head up to my room.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Around two thirty in the afternoon, Jacob leaves and kisses me on my cheek at the front door but from Edwards view, it would seem it was an actual kiss. I smile as I close the door after him and make my way to the kitchen to make a sandwich for myself. Pulling out the salami from the fridge along with the mayo, I grab the bread and put a couple slices on a paper plate.

With Jacob gone I am back to my normal quiet self and I can't help but feel even worse than what I had before he came over. At least he provides a distraction, no matter how small because it gets me out of my head. With being alone it just lets me think about things that I don't _want _to think about. It lets me think about different way of which I could just make it end and that nobody would care. Except everyone in this house would care and I know that, so I know that is the only reason I don't do such a thing. I'm sure if there was more than just Edward who doesn't seem to care that I could do it with no problem and that scares me. As I finish up with making the sandwich, I am suddenly not even hungry anymore. Soon the family will be back home, so I go ahead and decide to help prep the dinner Esme had laid out. Pork chops. My favorite.

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Before long, I had seasoned all the porkchops, cut up romaine lettuce and mixed in mushrooms, broccoli, cheese, and croutons along with some cucumber. Just as I was going to grab down some canned veggies, I hear my family pull up the driveway. Has it been that long already? Looking at the clock, it reads five in the afternoon. Hm, maybe I should take up cooking after all; I think I will most certainly do that.

"We're home!" Emmett yells as soon as he steps through the front door and I can hear everyone else walk their way up the porch laughing at whatever they had been talking about.

"In the kitchen!" I shout just as I start preheating the oven and grab down the brown sugar.

Everybody gathers into the kitchen after dropping their shopping bags off to their bedrooms. Esme smiles brightly at me as she discovers that she doesn't have to do much as I have basically done everything that needed to be done.

"Oh Bella, you shouldn't have!" She tells me excitedly as she gives me a tight hug.

I smile a little. "Don't know if it will be any good, I kinda just threw some things together and wished for the best."

"I'm sure we will all love it," She boasts. "Isn't that right Edward?!" She shouts slightly louder just as Edward decides to make his entrance.

"Whatever you say, Ma," He smirks at her.

"Hey Bella, why don't me, you, and Rose go upstairs and hang out since you decided you didn't want to go out," Alice suggests.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

We had a family night where we all split up into teams and played the Wii for like four hours straight. I think it was the most fun I had for a long while and I noticed that Edward was even enjoying it. Typically, when Jessica is here, they spend basically all day in his bedroom or just away from the family all together. I've noticed that Esme is a little edgier when she comes around and I am not sure if she caught them doing the nitty gritty or if she herself has noticed how controlling she is. Either way, I can tell she has lost her taste for one way or the other and I am just waiting until she finally talks to Edward about her concerns.

As I drift off to sleep, I realize that tonight was the first night that I don't go into a terribly dark place right before my eyes seal shut for the night. This is a good sign, right? Maybe I won't have a nightmare tonight… if only I could be so lucky.

_He crawls into my bed again tonight which makes shiver with fear. I've tried to pretend to sleep before in hopes that he would just go away but that didn't work out well. The last time he did that he made sure it hurt even worse than normal. Tonight, his hands are cold as he forces me onto my back and climbs on top of me straddling my waist so I can't try to get away. He scares me, but I try not to let my fear present itself in my face. I don't want to give him any more satisfaction that I know he gets from taking something that isn't his. _

**A/N: Whatcha guys think? **


	4. Chapter 4

**Age: 12**

"Bella, I miss you so much," My mom tells me over the phone. "Phil says he misses you too, come home," She begs.

"I can't," I tell her. "I like it here, I have friends."

What I don't tell her is that there is no possible way that I feel I could go back to even visit her. Even on the off chance that Phil and mom were to split up, I would still feel the need to be thousands, if not millions of miles away from that house I once called home.

"You can make new ones here baby," She says sniffling. "How about just for a couple of weeks in the summer? That would be great wouldn't it? We could go to the beach every day and tan," Mom says trying to convince me to go back. "Phil says we should go on a boat ride! Oh, wouldn't that be fun?"

That _does _sound fun. What doesn't sound fun however, is Phil being anywhere in a ten-thousand-mile radius of me, but of course I can't tell my mother this. She would hate me and most likely not even believe such an absurd thing. I don't blame her though, he hasn't shown her any reason to doubt him and had I not known what I know now, I wouldn't believe me either.

"Mom I gotta go, Edward is waiting for me to go to the park, I'll call you later," I say.

**Age: 16**

I wake up to laughing in Edwards room, great _she's _back from vacation. Rolling my eyes, I force myself up and out of bed before making my way to my closet to pick out my outfit for the day. I opt for a cute skull tank top with a long-sleeved cover up for obvious reasons only known to me. I match that with a pair of shorts and head over to my dresser pulling out a pair of black lace panties and matching bra to go with. Right as I am about to go into the bathroom there is a knock on my door, so I walk over and open it.

There stands Jasper and Alice looking horrified at the events turning about in the other room across the hall. I let them in just in time for the moaning to start and quickly turn on the radio to drown them out before the three of us have to burn out our eardrums.

"Jesus, they've been going at it all night long," Alice groans flopping down on the bed covering her head with one of my pillows.

"Wait I thought she wasn't supposed to be back in town until tomorrow," I say before Jasper chips in.

"She _wasn't _supposed to be back until tomorrow, but I guess Edward took the drive to Seattle to pick her up and bring her back here," He tells me as he too flops down onto the bed beside Alice.

Shaking my head, I make my way to the bathroom and close the door before turning on my pandora from my phone to listen to music. As I step into the hot stream of steaming water, I close my eyes trying to let the water relax my muscles. I make my shower to be quick but making sure my legs are perfectly shaved and smooth before getting out and getting dressed for the day. Instead of leaving my hair down I opt to call in Alice to French braid it into two parts.

"Thanks, Alice," I say looking at her handy work in the mirror once she is done.

"Welcome, now come on before they go for round six," She says hurriedly.

The three of us make our way quickly down the stairs only to find that Edward and Jessica beat us to the kitchen. As if on que, the tension rises as Alice and I exchange a couple of looks before nodding and looking towards Jasper who is currently holding a 'if looks could kill who would die first' staring competition.

"Alice and I were thinking we could just head to Port Angeles for breakfast," I say trying to break the hold the two brothers have on each other.

Naturally nothing works so both Alice and I exchange yet another glance at each other before she takes the lead.

"Hey Edward, did you make sure you hid your porno stash I found the other day? I'm sure Jess wouldn't have liked to see it on your nightstand," Alice says which wins over the contest in Jaspers favor.

"What!?" Jessica screeches turning to look at him and his face flushes.

"On that note, I think it's time to go guys," Alice says quickly before pulling both Jasper and I out of the kitchen just as I hear Edward shout at Alice.

We are all laughing as we make it to the car and get in.

"Did you really find a porno stash?" I ask Alice as we take off down the driveway.

She snorts. "Of course not, but I am sure he has one hidden away somewhere in his room."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

We grabbed breakfast at a Bob Evans and opted to make our way into the mall that's down the street. Luckily Jasper had convinced her to make our trip short so that we could get back home. Emmett and Rosalie will be going off to college around the time we are due to start back up at school and I am not sure if I am ready for them to leave home. As strange as it is, I wish they wouldn't leave because then that would mean there would not only be no more 'girl talks' that Alice and Rose created, but there would also not be any more booming voice going around singing Taylor Swift songs to wake everyone up on Saturday mornings.

The thought of them not being there saddens me but before I can dwell on that fact, Jasper pokes me in my side playfully to get my attention.

"Don't worry darlin', we ain't going anywhere," Jasper says quietly to me giving me a small smile before draping his arm around my shoulder.

"Thank you," I say looking down as we continue to walk behind Alice.

"None of that now," Jasper says and kisses my head. "Let's get this pixie out of this place before she drains the stores of their merchandise, shall we?"

I smile and nod as we rush up behind Alice taking both of her arms and dragging her to the exit of the mall we came through.

"But I see something cute!" She shouts as she pouts.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

When we get back home, Edward and Jessica are nowhere to be found and Esme is in the kitchen singing to some music.

"Hey Esme," I say plopping down on one of the island chairs and place a bag on the table.

"Hello dear," She says with a smile. "What do you have here?" She asks pointing to the bag.

"It's for you, I seen it and thought you might like it," I shrug and push the bag towards her.

Opening up the bag she pulls out the small box from the bag and open it up to show necklace that has a pair of angel wings. Simple yet I know how much she would love it. Her eyes tear up and she strokes the wings.

"Oh, sweetheart I love it! You shouldn't have though," Esme says walking around and pulling me into a tight hug.

"What is going on in here?" Carlisle asks walking in undoing his tie.

"Look at what Bella got me!" Esme says with tears still in her eyes.

Esme shows Carlisle the necklace and he smiles a sad smile yet a happy one at the same time.

"Beautiful," He says and takes the box from his wife before helping her put it on before giving her a kiss then turning to me. "That was very thoughtful Bella," He smiles as Esme makes her way to the hallway bathroom to take a look in the mirror.

I give him a small smile. "I saw it and thought she might like it," I tell him before standing up to go up to my room.

"Bella," He calls out before I can go too far so I turn around to look at him. "Are you alright? I know that you and Edward haven't been getting along lately and you just seem…"

I don't know if he knows what word he wants to use without hurting but I know what exactly what he wants to say. Giving him a smile, I walk over and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm fine," I tell him. "Promise."

"Esme and I are always here if you need to talk Bella, you know that don't you?"

"Of course, I do Carlisle."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

In one month, it will mark the three-year anniversary of my father's death, not something I really talk about. My mom of course came down to prep the funeral and naturally brought Phil with her as well. That was the last time that I had seen either of them; and for good reason too because not only did I have to go through my father's funeral, Phil got to have free range on me to do as he pleased at night. That whole last month of mom and Phil being in that house was awful and I would come up with every excuse known to man to get out of the house. Luckily Edward had noticed I didn't want to be home and just pinned it on the fact that the one person I wanted to be home, would never walk through the front door ever again.

There is a pressure building in my chest and a scratch in my wrist I cannot seem to reach so I do the only thing I know how to make it go away for a bit. I know its unhealthy, but I seem to like it and its very soothing for me. As I make my way to my bathroom, I lock the door just in case and grab out my friend from its hiding place. My heart beats slightly fast and I can feel the tears threatening to spill over, but I take a deep breath, lick a spot on my wrist and make a cut. Closing my eyes, I place another one and one more after that.

I let out a deep breath that I didn't realize I was holding and look down at the blood, letting it spill for a few minutes before cleaning up the mess. Sometimes I wish I had never even accidently cut myself when Emmett scared me that one time, but other times I am so happy I did because it help me relieve my thoughts and my anxiety. After I clean everything up and put my tiny silver friend back, I make my way back to my bedroom and grab my old shoe box filled with papers that not only have writing, but with pictures I drew. The pictures that I drew could give one nightmares just by looking at them because it haunts you until you look away. The writing is no different. It makes me want to cry and scream just looking at the words all over again.

My computer makes a bell sound notifying me of an email, so I place the papers back inside the box and make my way over to my laptop to open an email from my mother and that night my nightmares come full force.

"_Okay, Isabella," Phil says as he sits on my bed. "You're going to have yourself your very first orgasm," he gives me a very wicked and menacing look._

_I shake my head, but I am too terrified to move from my position to get away. We had just left the burial service a few hours ago and mom is already in bed, so I know she won't be waking up any time soon. Phil yanks off my covers and quickly gets to work ignoring my pleas to leave me be. What did I do to deserve this? Please just let it be over. The monster pulls out something that I am not exactly sure what it is until the object comes in contact with the center of my body._

_Without my permission, my body twitches and I squeeze my eyes shut tightly and try to pretend I am anywhere aside from where I am at this moment. A few minutes later my body convulses itself, but I bite my lip hard as to not make a sound. Phil then takes no time in rushing himself to invade me even more than he already has._

**A/N: So, what are your thoughts? Let me know!**

** -bellacullen166**


	5. Chapter 5

**Age: 16**

"_Mom!" I shout from my bedroom. "Where is my bathing suit for swim practice?"_

"_It should be in your bag! I washed and put it away!" Mom yells back._

_Frantically I try to now find my bag, but I don't want to run into Phil because I don't know if he meant to do what he did the other night. We had been cleaning the dishes up after dinner and not once but twice, his hand grazed my chest. Phil said that he was sorry and that it was an accident, but it gave me the creeps and I have been trying to avoid being around him since then. I didn't tell mom because I was and still am confused about how a grown man can accidently touch one's chest and tell them it was an accident but hover scary close to such person which makes them clearly uncomfortable._

"_Where's my bag?" I shout starting to get annoyed._

"_Check my bedroom, be quiet not to wake Phil! He came home from work late!" Mom shouts back to be from the kitchen downstairs._

_Oh boy, hopefully he is still sleeping so I can get in and out but unfortunately, I am not that lucky. When I open the door to moms and Phil's room, I notice that he is not in the bed sleeping. The other thing I notice is that my bag is oh so conveniently on the foot of their bed, so I try to quickly grab it and leave the room. Before I can even turn around to leave, Phil is right behind me hovering over my small frame._

"_Good morning, Isabella," He smiles a very creepy smile._

_I stand frozen in my spot and just as my panic rises, mom walks into the room giving me a rush of relief, but she doesn't seem to notice the fear in my eyes._

"_Bella!" She scuffs. "I thought I told you not to wake him."_

"_It is quite alright Renee; she didn't wake me up, I got up to use the bathroom," Phil interjects before I can say anything further._

"_Oh," Renee smiles up at him and places a kiss on his cheek. "I'm running Bella to swim practice so I should be home in a few hours."_

Getting out of bed I walk over to my bedroom door and make my way down to the kitchen after putting on my robe. Grabbing down a coffee cup, I turn on the Keurig to heat up some water for a cup of tea. I take the honey and some sugar and mix it in the hot water then mix it all together making the water turn a dark caramel color from the tea. Looking at the clock I see that it is three in the morning. My body feels like its been hit by a freight train as I make my way to the from door onto the porch swing.

I can't get that dream out of my head as I sit in the cool summer air listening to the crickets and owls all around the house. I swing back and forth gently just as I see Edwards car pulling up the driveway from a play he and Jessica went to. Luckily, he took her home I notice as he gets out of his car alone and walks up the porch step, stopping to look at me.

"What're you doing up?" Edward asks putting his keys in his pocket.

Taking a sip, I give him a small shrug. "How was the play?"

"It was okay, I guess. Jessica was literally on her phone almost the whole time which was annoying," He says with a small frown. "I don't think she enjoyed it much."

I raise an eyebrow and before I can stop myself, I blurt out, "Seems like she doesn't enjoy anything unless its bedroom activities." Even I am shocked that I say that and immediately start to apologize.

Edward walks off and just like that I am kicking myself in the ass for even saying anything to him. A few minutes later the front door opens, and Edward comes out with a big blanket. Taking yet another drink of my tea I give him a quizzical look.

"Move over," Edward tells me, so I do as he says and make room for him to sit down. "I think you're right," he says lowly.

I'm right? Right about what? "What do you mean?" I ask for clarification.

"About Jess and me… honestly, I don't think she has any more interest in me other than between the sheets," He sighs shaking his head. "But I love her though so it's not that simple."

"I think you are confusing lust over love, if you really loved her you wouldn't be thinking twice about it. But what do I know, I've never had sex or been in love," I say and instantly regret saying the part about the sex. It isn't a lie, I haven't had sex before, not willingly at least.

"You and Jacob haven't- "Edward ponders and quickly I shake my head.

"Even if I wanted to, I have my old best friend popping in for idiotic things to interrupt us. Not like it matters though, I don't think he is that interested in me."

"Old best friend huh?" He sounds a little hurt as he repeats this back to me, but it is the truth. "He'd be nuts not to be interested in you."

Taking a drink of my tea I arch my eyebrow at him, "Not as nuts as you think," I mumble and a small breeze flows through the air making me shiver.

Edward lifts the blanket up, "Come here," he tells me as he shifts so that I can sit between his legs on the swing.

Hesitantly I move to sit between them, and Edward covers us up before taking my cup of tea and placing it on the small table next to the swing. As I lay my head against his chest I listen to his heartbeat, it relaxes me as we gently swing back and forth. His left-hand lays on my stomach as his other hand rubs small circles on my right wrist. I let my eyes slip closed and let myself feel as if it was like old times again. Even though we haven't gotten along or really said much to each other in what feels like years, there is no tension, no awkward silence, nothing. At this moment we are just Edward and Bella again.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

"Shh don't wake them up they look so peaceful!" I can hear Esme say in a high whisper and afterwards I hear a click of a camera.

I scrunch up my face as I come to realize I am waking up from a peaceful slumber, something that I haven't had in such a long time. The next thing I notice is that the arms around me pull me closer to the body I am laying on and I remember that Edward and I fell asleep outside on the porch swing.

"They look so cute!" I hear Alice try to quietly squeal and that seems to be the last straw for my mind, and I open my eyes blinking fast.

Sitting up quickly, I stand up and look to where I was once laying down to see Edward starting to wake up himself. The whole family is there, and I can feel the blood rush to my cheeks as I remember we had fallen asleep on the swing. Without a word I make my way inside the house and rush up to my bedroom, somewhat confused about what happened only hours earlier.

_I think Edward thought I was still in a deep sleep because I don't think that he would be doing what he is now and whispering things that make my insides twist. Gently I feel Edward kiss my lips, whispering that he is sorry. One of his hands stroke my hair as his other hand hugs me closer, maybe this is a dream, it'd be one hell of a dream though._

"_I'll make things right, I promise," Is the last thing I remember before drifting back to a peaceful, yet restless sleep._

Was that even real or was my mind just making things up? I'm not sure, perhaps I will ask him later when there aren't prying ears all around us. In the meantime, I take a shower, staying in until the water starts to run cold. After getting out and dressing in a pair of shorts and a black camisole that has lace on the cleavage area and on the hem of the bottom. Over that I cover up with a blue plaid button up and go back into the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair. Looking in the mirror I notice that I now not only have dull eyes, possibly due to the fact of my nightmares coming so frequently, but I seem to have lost some weight from not being able to eat much lately.

Renee emailed me telling me that she would like for me to visit and had already spoken to Carlisle and Esme about me going. They had agreed because they don't know what waits on the other side of the country. They don't know that there is a monster lurking in plain sight. And just like my mother, I don't think that I would ever be able to tell them this. Just like my mother, they will never know what has been done and what will probably without a doubt happen once more when I land in Florida. I leave in two and a half weeks, and by the time I come back it will almost be the time of my father's death once more.

I not only get to rehash old memories constantly, but now I will have to try to deal with a very difficult day for myself all by myself. Every year I go down to his grave and talk to him, I talk about everything, I tell him how much I miss him and how that I wish he was here. I tell him my deepest darkest secrets that hide, not only in my mind, but under my bed. Carlisle and Esme are supposed to go out of town next week for some type of work convention once again. Naturally this just means Emmett and Rose will be throwing yet another party, but maybe they will change their minds about it. I doubt it.

There is a knock on my bedroom door, so I quickly clean up my mess and open the door to see Edward standing there looking sleepy. He looks so handsome and unfortunately, he knows how attractive he is, I think that is one of the reasons why he is smirking at me at the moment.

"Can we talk real fast?" He asks so I step to the side and close the door after him.

"What's up?" I ask going over to sit in the chair at my desk.

"Uhm… I just- I just wanted to make sure you didn't think too much of last night. If Jess found out- "He runs his hands through his unruly hair.

"Don't worry," I interrupt harshly. "Jess will never find out that we slept together. On a swing. After you basically told me you wanted to break up with her but couldn't because you think you're in love with her." I say before breaking eye contact. "Or is it something else you're worried about?" I challenge.

"N- no," He stutters.

I close my eyes momentarily, "Right then, on you go Cullen. Your dirty little secret is safe with me."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

A week later Carlisle and Esme have left for the convention leaving Emmett and Rosalie in charge since they are the oldest.

"I say we just keep it the six of us," Emmett announces to my surprise because usually he wants to have an all-out party.

"That's a good idea, this will probably the last time we have time together alone," Rose chips in with agreement.

We all nod going along with it, but Edward clears his throat, "Plus Jessica," He tells everyone.

I keep my distain to myself while everyone else groans, I cough to cover up the laugh I want to release. Edwards face hardens and he walks away up to his room.

"Can we just have one get together without that annoying wench?" Rose asks as we hear Edward close his bedroom door.

Alice and I look at each other and cross our eyes before busting out laughing.

"Okay, you guys have got to give us a clue as to why you always do that when Jessie-wench is mentioned," Jasper says crossing his arms over his chest.

"You tell them," I say to Alice as I laugh.

"Okay, okay," Alice starts the story.

_**Age: 15**_

_Alice and I had just gotten back from the grocery store when we hear noises coming from Edwards room. We look at one another confused because we thought he was alone when we left not even an hour ago, so we make our way up to his bedroom. Quietly, Alice cracks open his door to see Edward and Jessica butt naked clearly not paying attention to a thing and as things intensifies with Jessica, she doesn't seem to notice the door is now cracked and as she is about to let go, her face scrunches up and her eyes go crossed. Quickly Alice and I run back down the stairs before looking at each other shocked. Never in my life have I ever seen someone come down from the ultimate high cross eyed and my god was it comical. As we look at one another, we cross our own eyes before dying of laughter. About five minutes later both Edward and Jessica come down holding hands. We pretend to have just gotten in and decide to keep this as our little inside joke. _

Everybody is now on the floor laughing so hard and Rosalie is crying from how hard she is laughing.

"Oh god!" Rose laughs. "I think I'm dead now."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

We have pizza and snacks set up along with some mixed drinks for our little party tonight. Alice and Rose still manage to talk me into getting dressed up, but I only budge on a skirt and lowcut long sleeved shirt for obvious reasons. At about nine at night, we all gather in the living room and sit down in a circle just talking for a bit before Emmett declares we play truth or dare. This can go down hill real fast, so I quickly chug down my vodka infused cranberry juice and sit back down in my seat.

"Bella," Jasper says after about five rounds of each person going their turn.

I take yet another drink of my spiked juice before turning to Jasper and waiting for him to ask me truth or dare.

"Truth or dare?" He asks finally.

"Truth," I say a few moments later.

I almost regret my decision as soon as the words leave my mouth because what Jasper opts to asks me is about something I don't talk about- to anybody.

"What are your nightmares about?" He asks after taking a drink out of his cup.

Shit fucking fuck me… I can't lie, I suck at lying and they all know this. Taking a small sip of my drink before choosing my next words carefully.

"Remind me to kick your ass later for this one Jazzy-pooh," I say through gritted teeth. "Monsters," I opt with.

"Oh no you don't! You can't be all vague about it," Emmett says throwing a piece of popcorn at me which I pick up and eat.

Rolling my eyes, I decide to tell the truth, just not the whole truth of what it means. "Fine. They're about monsters who can't be seen by normal people, only the special select few can see such monsters. While they lurk in the daylight, they come out to play in the darkness where they feel safe from being seen or heard. They come to tear apart every fiber of your being until you're left with nothing but a broken soul."

The room is quiet for a few minutes and I know at the moment I just want another drink, so I chug down the rest of my cup. I raise an eyebrow waiting for the game to resume.

"No wonder you don't sleep," Edward murmurs and I hear Jessica scoff from beside him.

"And on that note, I think I am going to go now," I say standing up, but Alice and Rose seem to have other ideas as they stop me.

"Just one more, its only fair we get our turn with you," Rose says with a wicked smile.

"Fine but make it quick," I say reluctantly.

Both Alice and Rose look at one another before smiling brightly back at me which makes me feel slightly uneasy. "Kiss Edward," They say in unison. "On the lips," Alice adds in.

My heart skips a beat as I swallow my saliva down and turn slowly towards Edward. Do they hate me? Is this my punishment for something I did that I don't remember?

"Hey, you can't- "Jessica starts before Emmett and Jasper tells her to shut up as they watch the scene unfold before them.

I lean down on my knees and looking Edward in the eyes. There is something showing me that he wants this to happen so before I can chicken out, I plant a kiss on his lips but instead of either of us pulling away, we kind of melt into each other. One kiss leads to another and next thing I know we are completely lip-locked, only stopping when I come to my senses. Jessica is having a conniption fit in the background. Looking around I notice every single one of the Cullen's with their mouths hanging open. Looking down to my empty cup I frown before grabbing Edwards and drinking the rest of whatever concoction he made up then stand back up feeling one hell of a buzz.

"I'm going to bed now," I say and turn towards the stairs knowing Edward would not make a move for me and just as that thought crosses my mind, Jessica shouts at Edward.

"Fuck!" He says angrily before I hear him walk after her as I knew he would.

**A/N: Ooookkkaaayyyy! So, I had a small amount of fun coming up with the party idea and I really hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did writing it. I think I might bounce around in Bella's ages and whatnot when I send her off to Renee's house. I am also thinking about doing Carlisle's point of view at some point right up to the breaking point of Bella. Tell me what you guys think and until next time!**

** -bellacullen166**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Going to try to reply to a couple of people who reviewed.**

** Leslie E: Mostly since she isn't physical with anybody, it's pretty easy to hide the demons on her wrist and arm. She wears either cover ups all the time or long-sleeved shirts. Seeing as it is summer at the moment, its cold enough in the Cullen house to keep her cool when she is inside. As for whenever she goes out and about, she wears a breathable long-sleeved shirts. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask ****.**

** Scattycow: Bella indeed could always say no to going to visit Renee however, she would need one hell of an explanation as to why she doesn't want to go. Seeing as she hasn't seen her mother in some time it would need to be an out of this world reason. As stated in the story line, she can't allow herself to let anybody know her secret no matter how shitty she feels about going to see Renee and the monster that resides in the home. **

**Now onto the story folks!**

**Age: 16**

The next morning when I wake up, I hear the ungodly sound of Jessica in Edwards room. Whatever they are doing at the moment, it doesn't sound like anything intimate but the opposite. Shaking my head, I make my way to the bathroom and relieve my bladder before washing my hands then brushing my teeth and pulling my hair up into a messy bun. Walking out of my bedroom still in my pajamas, I go to make my way downstairs, so I don't have to listen to them arguing about whatever she blew out of proportion. Before I can even get down the first couple of steps Edwards door gets thrown open causing me to jump at the noise. Turning around Jessica is standing there seething into Edward and he just stands there not saying a thing.

"You know what Cullen, you two deserve each other!" She shouts at him before pushing her way past me roughly.

I look up at Edward and see his face is red from anger. Who deserves each other?

"You should probably go after her since you love her," I say before walking down to the kitchen and make myself a bowl of cereal.

In the kitchen while I am alone, I run my right hand over my scars under my sleeve and looking down I finally notice how many I have as I allow myself to pull the sleeve up a bit. As I look at my handy work though, I hear Jessica coming back inside probably looking for her purse she left on the kitchen counter. Quickly I slide my sleeve back down but not before Jessica can see what I've done.

"Wow," She scoffs, "he just pities you, that's why he's so damn defensive when it comes to you," She shakes her head grabbing her purse before storming back out the door.

Pities me? He doesn't care anything about me since she has come around. Suddenly I am not hungry, so I dump my bowl out and make my way up to Jasper and Alice's bedroom knocking and waiting for one of them to answer. Alice opens the door a minute later and giggles when she sees me. I arch an eyebrow as I step through the door and go sit on the edge of the bed just as Jasper comes back into the bedroom.

"I'm still mad at you two," I say but I can't help but smile.

Jasper laughs and walks over to the bed sitting down next to me putting an arm around my shoulder and Alice comes to sit on the other side of me as well.

"You know you love us," Jasper says as he pulls us down and Alice flips onto her stomach playing with a piece of her hair.

"Besides, both you and Edward have basically undressed each other multiple times with your eyes last night. I think he is starting to figure out he doesn't really like Jessica as much as he thinks he does," Alice chimes in. "And you can't tell me you didn't enjoy kissing him last night either," She smirks.

Rolling my eyes, I can't help but laugh a little, "So that's your plan huh? Use me to break them up?"

Jasper shrugs his shoulders. "It's not like he's happy with her. Edward just won't admit it to himself."

"Yeah well, Jessica went storming out of the house this morning when I went down to the kitchen. Something about 'you two deserve each other'. Edward just stood there letting her yell at him," I say sighing.

I see Alice and Jasper give each other a look but say nothing else on the matter and I let it drop even though I want to know what they know. I'm sure Jessica is once again, making something out of nothing, as she likes to do. There is something in the back of my mind however small it may be, thinks it could be from the little game of truth or dare last night. I know Jessica was pissed when Edward and I kissed but that couldn't be what they were fighting about. Well, the kiss itself maybe but Edward doesn't have any type of feelings for me I don't think. I don't remember Edward looking at me any certain way as Alice said, maybe she was just imagining things. Or maybe I'm wrong.

I decide to ignore my inner thoughts so that I don't get sucked into a bad mood all day especially since these next few weeks are going to do a number on me. Jasper grabs my attention by waving his hand in front of my face.

"Huh?" I ask realizing I hadn't heard him say anything to me.

"We were talking about going to go see a movie in Port Angeles tonight," Jasper says arching his eyebrow at me. "Did you want to go?"

"Oh, sorry. No, I think I'm just going to stay home and relax. Besides I'm sure I intrude on you guys enough," I say slightly ashamed about how many times this month both Alice and Jasper has come to my aid in the middle of the night.

"You don't intrude, Bella," Alice says sitting up and looking down at me with a very serious look. "You're my sister," She shrugs her shoulders. "We're always going to be here for you."

I look down at my hands, fidgeting my fingers before letting out a long drawn out breath. "I know," I start, "I just feel bad."

"There's nothing to feel bad about darlin'," Jasper says poking my side which makes me laugh a little. "Besides, you've never interrupted any intimate moments," Jasper chuckles making my face turn red.

There was one night that I had gotten out of bed and was going to go to their bedroom but luckily, I heard a few sounds to make me stop dead in my tracks. That night I opted to just go down to the living room and turn on the TV to try to get my mind off my monsters.

"Jasper!" Alice exclaims smacking his arm. "It wouldn't matter if she had, you know how bad her nightmares are."

Jasper laughs. "I was only joking!" He puts his hands in the air in defense.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Around lunch time I go knock on Edwards bedroom door so he will come down and eat with the rest of us. Rose and I had made chicken fajitas so that we could eat and watch a movie together. I hear Edward grumbling before he swings open his door to reveal his bare chest and damp hair wearing only a pair of dark wash jeans. I try not to gawk but after a few slow moments Edward clears his throat to grab my attention back.

"Uh, Rose wanted you to come down for lunch. We were gonna watch a movie as well," I say as I force my eyes to not run across his six pack.

"I gotta call Jess then I'll be down," He tells me.

I only nod in response and go to turn around before looking up at him but chicken out in asking my question. Once more I turn around to go back down the stairs but stop again and decide to just blurt it out at him.

"What did she mean you pity me?" I ask in a rushed voice.

"What are you talking about?" He asks with confusion across his face.

"Your _girlfriend _said you pitied me before she left this morning. What did she mean by that? We haven't said more than a few things to each other in months so how does she come to the conclusion you pity me?" I ask crossing my arms over my chest.

Edward shakes his head a bit. "I don't know what she would be talking about."

I nod a little. "Just come down for lunch before Rosalie gets pissed," I say before trying to make my way back down the staircase, but Edward stops me with his hand on my shoulder.

"Bella?" He says softly.

Looking up at him I go to say something, but his mouth covers my own engulfing anything I was going to say and silencing it. It only takes a half second for my mouth to work against his with the kiss. It's gentle, but not too gentle. I can feel Edwards hands move me closer to his body but suddenly my rational thinking kicks in and I break the kiss leaving both of us slightly panting, wanting more.

I shake my head. "Until you can tell yourself what you want, Edward, you shouldn't be trying to kiss me," I say just above a whisper. "It's not fair to anybody. Let me know when you figure it out."

Walking down the stairs quickly, passing everyone I make my way outside and walk to the back yard. I go toward the fire pit and sit down in a chair pulling my legs up to my chest and laying my head on my knees. Closing my eyes, I try to remember a time when everything was normal when it came to mine and Edwards relationship.

"_Come on Bella! You can't just sit on the side and watch all day!" Alice shouts at me as I continue sitting outside of the Cullen's built in ground pool._

_I clearly know how to swim because before I left Renee to live with my dad, I was on the swim team. The difference was I was really uncomfortable being in a bathing suit since then, especially a two-piece suit at that. Esme had taken Alice, Rose, and I shopping for bathing suits and the two sisters somehow convinced me into getting a wine-colored bikini top with white bottoms with a floral pattern on it. I liked it when I tried it on but now, I just feel anxious about taking of my tank top and shorts. _

"_Yeah come on!" Rose shouts backing up Alice._

_Before I have time to think twice about it, I feel a pair of arms pick me up making me gasp and looking at the person I realize its Edward carrying me. He smiles and just as I try to scramble out of his grasp, he jumps into the deep end of the pool with me in his arms. I take a deep breath and once we hit the water, we go down almost to the bottom and I allow myself to stay and sink down before kicking the pool floor and shooting back up._

_Everyone is laughing as soon as we come up for air and I splash water at Edward._

"_That wasn't very nice of you," I say with a frown that I hold for as long as I can before laughing._

"_We should play Marco Polo!" Emmett says excitedly and everyone agrees to play._

Before long I hear someone walking up to me so lift my head to see who it is. Emmett is surprisingly the one to come walking over and sits down in the chair next to me. I turn my head, so I am looking at him but still resting on my knees.

"I can always beat him up for you," Emmett smiles a goofy smile.

Instantly that makes me laugh and roll my eyes before I get serious again. "Why is he such an asshole nowadays?" I ask with a sigh.

"Because its his first girlfriend and he doesn't know how to balance that apparently," Emmett shrugs slightly. "You shouldn't let that bother you Bella. He'll figure it out."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

My heart is pounding in my chest as Esme and Carlisle escort me to my terminal to board my flight. I had already said goodbye to everyone at home except for Edward who was once more busy with Jessica. Of course, I didn't expect anything less than such a thing even after he decided it was a good idea to kiss me the very next day of our little party. I can't say I'm not disappointed at this though, because I am very much bummed about this. Esme said she would be having a talk with her son as soon as they get back home from the airport which I have no doubt she'd do.

I give Esme and Carlisle one last hug before they send me on my way to board the plane that will be taking me to the seventh layer of hell for a week and a half. There is nothing more I want to do than to run and hide but I know I cannot do that without a logical explanation. There was no way in hell I would be able to open my mouth about anything.

Six and half hours later the plane is descending to land in Florida and my heart is pounding in my chest. Not much later am I stepping off the plane and making my way to baggage claim then going into a coffee shop to wait for Renee to come find me. In the meantime, I order a coffee and sit at a chair. I only waited for about ten minutes before I hear my name being yelled. Looking up I see my smiling mother running towards me with Phil in tow who is giving me a creepy smile. My heart drops to my stomach and I try to remind myself it's only going to be a week and half.

"I can do this," I lie to myself.

**A/N: Next chapter will have the duration of Bella's stay with her mother and Phil. Still trying to play around with the age jumping, not sure if I will or not yet. Until next time!**

**-bellacullen166**


	7. Chapter 7

**Age: 16**

It has been two days since I landed in Florida and even though I am on edge about Phil being around, Renee and I have been going out to the mall, the beach, the movies, and basically anything she can think of. When it's just her and I, I don't feel as stressed and I actually find that I missed being around her. Sure, her choice of men could definitely be better, but I am not exactly innocent either. Some of this is my fault and my doing as well because I feel like I can't tell her. Instead of doing so I suffer in silence, just like I have always done. Right now, it is about ten thirty in the morning and Phil has already gone to work which means I can take a quick shower and not have to worry about getting interrupted.

Once I gather up my shower necessities, I go to the bathroom, showering fast before getting back out and dry off to get dressed. I head downstairs and go for the kitchen planning on making breakfast. Pulling out the carton of eggs and bacon, I start prepping. As I put the bacon in the skillet, I feel a pair of unwanted arms wrap around my waist. I freeze. I can't move. I feel like I can't even breathe right now. _He's _supposed to be at work.

I can feel Phil pressing me into his body not letting me out of his hold but after a minute or so, my anger bubbles up in my chest. Letting out a rough gust of air I had been holding, I push back against him using the stove as a means of support. He didn't see that coming so his hold on me loosens just enough for me to yank myself free and walk across the kitchen away from him.

"Oh Isabella, don't be like that- I've _missed _you," He says with a sick smile and a tilt of his head.

"Whatever sick obsession you have with your wife's _daughter_," I emphasize, "needs to stop."

I can hear movement from upstairs which means my mother is finally awake and is going to be coming down. This of course, does not stop him from stalking towards me, grabbing me by my forearms and forcing me over to the kitchen counter to where she wouldn't see a thing and painfully pushes me against me. My back cuts into the counter which shoots pain into my lower back and for a moment I am too scared once more, to move. I am sure there will be a bruise there in the matter of minutes.

"You really don't know how much I like it when you struggle," He smirks leaning in close, dragging his nose along my jawline.

"Something smells good!" Renee shouts as I hear her make her way downstairs.

Phil quickly lets me go and takes a few steps back giving me a death glare and I know that whatever happens tonight won't be good. Renee smiles at me before she notices Phil in the kitchen, and she walks over giving him a kiss. My stomach turns and makes me want to vomit at the sight.

"I thought you wouldn't be able to have today off?" Renee says before looking at the stove and turning to me. "You should probably flip the bacon sweetie."

It takes me a few seconds before I allow myself to go over to the stove and finish up the bacon and start on the eggs. I try to ignore the eyes that are currently trying to burn holes in the back of my head at the moment.

"Uh, yeah, turns out James was able to cover for me, but they forgot to let me know so when I got there, they just sent me home. Said they'd put a little extra on my paycheck for the miscommunication on their part. Now I get to spend the day with my girls," I can almost hear the sick smile in his voice.

I feel sick, I want to go back home to the safety of Esme and Carlisle's warm touch. I don't want to be here. I never wanted to be here. Why didn't I just say something? Why did I keep my mouth shut? And then I remember why…

"_If you ever tell anyone what just happened, I'll make sure not even your mother believes you. Who would believe a slut like you?" Phil takes his right hand and lifts it up to meet my throat, cutting off my oxygen and before long I am trying to claw at his hand. I start seeing spots and just as they appear his hand disappears, and I take in a large breath coughing as I do. "You don't want Renee to get hurt, do you?" He cocks his head to the side giving me a menacing look. "It would be just as easy for me to do much worse."_

_Phil hovers over me making me cringe away as much as I can. "Do I need to reiterate anything for you or are you going to keep your mouth shut?"_

_Again, I can't move, and I can't say anything either which makes it even worse. I can't let him hurt my mom._

"Aren't you going to eat sweetheart?" I heard Renee ask pulling me from my memories.

I must have gone on autopilot and finished cooking because I don't remember finishing the eggs or making the toast or pouring a glass of orange juice. Once again, I am the same little girl who is too scared to even move too much in the presence of the monster living in this house. Once again, I want nothing more than to see my dad and have him tell me everything will be alright. That part will never happen. It never could happen again because he isn't alive anymore.

"Bella?" Renee says.

"Huh? Oh. No, I'm not that hungry. I think I'm going to go take a walk," I say and make my way to the living room and slipping on my converse.

Before I head out the door, I can hear Renee tell Phil how much she's missed me and wishes I would stay. Shaking my head, I walk out. I'm not sure where to go but I know I need away from that house. I need away from the people in that house. Pulling out my phone I go through my contacts and click on Esme's name, hitting the call button. I want to go home. The phone rings a few times before I hear her voice.

"Bella! Oh, I'm so happy you called!" She exclaims. "Are you having fun?"

"Momma," I say holding back a sob.

_Momma_, something I almost never call her nowadays. After my dad got shot, I would wake up shouting in the middle of the night and she was always there to hold me.

"Bella, what's going on? Are you hurt?" She asks worriedly. "Where is Renee?"

"I wanna come home," I say swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Carlisle!" I hear Esme shout over the phone.

**Age: 11**

Dad gives me a kiss on my head before heading off to work promising to be home before dinner time. Today Esme and Carlisle are taking everybody to the zoo and invited me to go with them so I wouldn't be home all alone. Dad agreed and gave me some money so I could get stuff if I wanted. There is a knock on the door, and I look out the kitchen window to see Carlisle's SUV out front, so I open up the door. Edward is standing there and smiles when I open the door and grab a jacket.

"Today's going to be fun!" He tells me as I walk out onto the porch and lock the front door.

It's been a couple of weeks since I met the Cullen family and I have taken a liking to all of them. I feel safe around them, even Emmett who I thought was scary when I initially met him, but it turns out he is just a big softy. Edward and I make our way to the car and naturally I trip over absolutely nothing but before I can fall to the ground, Edward catches me. My face turns red as I look at Edward and tell him thank you. He laughs and holds onto my hand the rest of the short walk to the SUV. Once inside the safety of the car Alice and Rosalie start talking to me about a sleepover they want to have.

Edward pokes my side to grab my attention and he pulls out a word search and hands me a pen. I smile and continue talking with Alice and Rose as we do the word search.

**Age: 16**

Esme changed my flight back home, but I still can't leave for two more days. When I went back to the hell house Renee was waiting for me on the porch with a slight frown on her face as I walked up. I lift myself up so that I can sit on the porch railing.

"You want to leave so soon?" Renee asks with disappointment in her voice.

I simply nod. "I haven't been away from home and I just feel home sick," I lie through my teeth.

"But this _is _your home too," She tells me, and I feel a vibration in my pocket from my phone, so I pull it out and look at the text message from Jasper asking if I am alright.

"I just want to go home mom," I say which I know hurts her to hear because she is my mother after all. I can't stay here, while this is the home, I spent for basically eleven years, it stopped being home as soon as Phil started doing what he did. I stopped feeling safe in this home years ago and I most certainly stopped sleeping through the whole night ever since then.

"Well can we at least try to have a good time for the remainder of your days. Phil wanted to take us out for dinner tonight and go fishing…" She says sadly clearly trying to make me feel bad.

I hold back an eyeroll and just tell her yes. Just then Phil comes out with nothing but a pair of dirty looking jeans. Looking at Renee he walks over kissing her on her head before looking towards me narrowing his eyes.

"It's not your fault she doesn't want to stay, Renee," Phil says as he watches me. "She probably just wants to go see her boyfriend back in Forks. Surely you've had plenty?"

I cock an eyebrow. "Even if I did, I don't see where that concerns you."

"Oh, baby I didn't even think if you had a boyfriend surely you would want to get back to him. But it's healthy to have alone time away from him," Renee says as soon as Phil plants the seed of me having a boyfriend.

I grind my teeth together and shake my head. "Whatever I have going on back home doesn't concern you," I say once more at Phil but of course mother doesn't like that very much.

"Bella where are your manners? I know you didn't lose them when you went to Forks."

Phil's mouth twitches into a smile as he works his black magic on Renee knowing I won't win any argument. Rolling my eyes, I slide off of the porch railing and make my way inside the house going to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. I hear them talking outside, so I make my way up to my room and close the door behind me before texting Jasper back.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Phil drives us to a seafood restaurant that I don't pay attention to the name of. The last thing I want to do is eat at the moment. The waitress serves us our drinks and takes our order once Phil says we are ready.

"You're not eating much, are you feeling okay?" Renee asks with concern written on her face.

"Dandy," I say under my breath which resorts with a rough kick to my knee making me wince.

"Oops, sorry I didn't mean to do that," Phil says laughing it off.

I don't know where it comes from, but I don't have enough time to actually think it through when the words leave my mouth when they do. "Is there anything else that you didn't mean to do, Phil?" I look him dead in the eye.

"Bella!" Renee exclaims. "Just because you're angry with whoever back at the Cullen house, doesn't mean you take it out on Phil," Her face turns red with anger sitting her fork down on her plate.

"Yeah, what is going on with you lately?" Phil asks faking concern.

"Oh, do you really want to go there?" I ask daring him to say yes.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" Renee stands up now shouting at me which makes a whole lot of heads turn in our direction. "I don't know what has gotten into you, but it needs to stop! Right now!"

Standing up myself I shout right back before I can even stop myself, "You! Him! You are protecting a monster because you think you love him, but you don't know anything!"

Of course, she doesn't know she is protecting him, she just believes she is defending him from a hormonal teenager. This couldn't be far from the truth. I quickly walk off away from the table and walk out of the restaurant as fast as my feet let me without tripping. Someone yells my name, but I keep walking down the sidewalk before speeding up even more and start running. My heart is beating loudly in my ears as I realize what I had just done.

**Age: 11 (Before moving to Forks)**

"Mom?" I say sitting down at the kitchen table as she is washing the dishes from dinner last night.

"What is it honey?" She asks giving me a smile.

"Uhm… well Phil… Phil touched my chest when we were making dinner last night," I try to tell her, but I don't know what to say.

It is true, he did keep brushing against me, I just don't know how to tell her what all he had done afterwards.

"Oh honey, I'm sure he didn't mean to. He was just probably trying to reach across you," She explains.

When I go to tell her that, that wasn't the case he walks through the door with a flash of anger in my direction from his eyes. Mom doesn't see it because her back is turned toward us, and I feel like I can't speak any more.

"What happened now?" Phil asks walking towards her and giving her a kiss on her temple.

"Oh, Bella was just telling me you accidently brushed her when you were making supper together," Mom answers as she dries off her hands on a dish towel.

"I'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable, Bella," Phil says. "I didn't intentionally do that, I was just reaching for something," he finishes with a twitch of the corner of his eye.

"See honey? Phil didn't mean to," Mom says before walking over and kissing my head.

**Age 16:**

I don't know how long I have been at the park but when I look at the time, I realize its almost ten at night. Reluctantly I get off of the bench swing and start making my way back to the hell house. When I get to the porch, I notice that all the lights in the house are off but when I step through the door, I see Phil on the couch with a drink in his hand.

"Your mother is sleeping, won't be up until morning," He says standing up and walking over to me backing me up against the front door. "We're gonna have a little fun since I haven't had the chance to welcome you home properly."

Phil sits his drink on the side table next to the door, when I try to move away his hands make their mark on my arms keeping my still.

"Oh no you don't, Isabella," He growls. "Not only did you cause a scene in that restaurant, but you made your mother very upset. Now you get to receive your punishment, you can either make it easy or you can make it difficult," His right hand makes its way across my chest groaning softly but I try to push him off of me which makes him angry.

"Oh, you want rough. I can give you rough baby," His hands rip my button up shirt open and I hear some buttons fall to the wooden floor.

**A/N: So, yeah that happened. Next chapter should be up soon, I've been in the typing mode.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Age: 16**

Bruises cover my inner thighs and my forearms as I look at myself in the mirror in the bathroom as I get ready to leave for the airport. Tears fall down my cheeks, but I roughly brush them away. Turning on the water, I put it on the hottest setting I can withstand. Stepping in I stand under the water stream forcing myself to keep my eye lids open. I don't remember when the last time I slept was and I don't plan on getting any sleep until I land in Port Angeles. I take my razor out and cut my arm welcoming the sting that allows me to forget for a brief moment. I don't want to remember anything. I don't want to be in constant pain anymore. Once I step out of the shower, I bandage myself up and get dressed, I leave my hair down so I can hide my face if I want. Going back to my old bedroom I put my clothes in my suitcase along with everything else I had brought with me.

My flight leaves at noon and I decided I would leave a note for Renee telling her that I'm sorry I had to leave. When I am content that I have all of my belongings, I call a cab to pick me up and as soon as I see them pull up, I rush out the door. The taxi driver grabs my bag for me and puts it in the trunk and we head off to the airport. I surprisingly don't have to wait long to board my flight and I let myself relax a little knowing that in a few moments, _he_ won't be able to come near me again. A couple of hours into the flight I decide to watch a movie and no sooner than it starts, my body seems to lose its fight with sleep because I am out in a matter of minutes.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Luckily, I didn't scream out in my sleep but when I become aware of my surroundings, I realize one of the stewardess on the plane are telling everyone to put their trays up for landing. Once we have landed, everybody makes their way off the plane and I go find the baggage claim. Walking off to the front doors I see Esme and Carlisle waiting for me and when they lay their eyes on me, I run to them. As sore as my body feels, I let myself fling my body into them happy that I am finally safe.

Esme tries to ask me what is wrong but all I do is shake my head and I feel Carlisle rubbing his hand on my back. His fingers gently graze the still black and blue bruise from Phil's handy work against the counter. I squeeze tighter onto Esme and try not to freak out. Carlisle grabs my bag and we make our way to the car; Esme sits with me in the back trying to figure out what is wrong.

Before I know it, we are pulling up the driveway and I perk up a bit when I see Alice coming out onto the porch waving excitedly.

"There she is," Esme says softly kissing my head.

When the car gets put in park and turned off, we make our way up the porch to Alice who is now jumping up and down smiling.

"Bella!" She shouts and bounces the rest of the way towards me, giving me an almost painful hug.

I close my eyes and breathe her in, letting my arms wrap around her pixie like body. I've missed her. I've missed home. Pulling away I see Carlisle coming up with my suitcase.

"Let's go on inside," Esme suggests so we follow after her and go to the living room.

I grab my suitcase from Carlisle and excuse myself to take it up to my room to get out the dirty laundry I didn't have a chance to wash while in hell. I feel everyone's eyes watching me as I walk up to my room and close the door behind me. Grabbing my laundry basket, I shove the dirty clothing in put up everything else in its spot before going to the laundry room.

"I can get that, Bella," I hear Esme say as she walks in behind me.

"N-no that's okay. I uh- had a surprise visit, I'd rather do it please." I lie to Esme.

My lie works because she nods and tells me that we are going to have a mini family movie day. Since Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Edward are out and about its just going to be Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and myself watching movies and eating junk food all day. The others should be home later on tonight around dinner time so I am thankful it will be quiet around here for some period of time. I love my family, but I think that I kinda need it to be quiet and not all riled up. About three movies in Carlisle goes to order pizza's just as the rest of the family pile their way in laughing and talking.

"Bella!" Emmett shouts when he notices me in the living room on the floor next to Alice.

I can't help but flinch at the sound of his voice which instantly makes me feel bad but as I look around, I realize nobody caught onto that. Smiling up at Emmett he kneels down wrapping me in one of his big bear hugs, lifting me up in his arms which makes my shirt rise a little.

Someone gasps at what I can only safely assume is my bruise and I quickly pull away from Emmett and push my shirt back down. Turning around I notice all eyes on me and my face turns red with embarrassment.

"What happened to you back, Bella?" Rosalie asks as Esme and Carlisle come back in the living room from the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Carlisle asks looking from me to Rosalie.

My heart is beating quickly inside my chest and feels as if it could spring free at any moment.

"Bella has a huge bruise on her back," Rose says as her eyes narrow in on me.

"Bella?" Esme questions before Carlisle looks over at me seemingly trying to examine me.

"It's nothing, I fell against the counter while I was there," I say trying to make everyone's stares go away. "I'm fine."

"Go to my office Bella," Carlisle says with determination in his eyes.

I don't move an inch which seems to make him upset and when he makes a move to come towards me, I take a step back. His face softens when he notices my reaction to him. I know he wouldn't hurt me but at the moment my fight or flight instincts kicked in and now I feel bad for even being scared of him.

"Everybody go to your rooms," Esme says quietly, and, in that moment, everyone makes their way to the staircase except for Edward. "Edward, go to your room," Esme says when he doesn't move from his spot. "Now!" She says once more but louder.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Carlisle, Esme, and I are in the office and they are trying to get answers out of me. They want to know what happened to my back, he wants to take a look, but I shake my head and ball up my fists.

"I've told you guys I am fine. You know how clumsy I can be sometimes," I try to tell them, but they don't seem to want to buy it.

"We can't help you if you don't let us in," Carlisle says crossing his arms as Esme is looking for something in my face to give me away.

I don't give in, I can't. "I don't know what you want me to tell you. I told you what happened take it or leave it," I say before heading towards the office door.

"You never call me momma unless you don't feel safe," Esme says right before I walk out.

I basically sprint up to my bedroom and slam the door closed and locking it behind me before I walk over to my closet and closing that door and scream into my hanging clothes. I continue to scream into them until my throat feels raw and I walk out of the closet and into the bathroom and pull out my friendly razor.

Shortly after there is a soft knock on the door and I hear Carlisle's voice trying to get me to come down to eat. I tell him to go away, that I'm not hungry. Next comes Esme followed by Alice and Rose, after those failed attempt they send up Jasper and Emmett. The tears flow heavily down my cheeks as I send them on their way. A few minutes after they go back down, there is one last knock on the door.

"Bella?" I hear Edward say softly through the door. "I know you hear me, love. Please open up."

I look down at my half-clothed body and continue to let the tears splash down off of my face. There is nothing but bruises covering my thighs and arms and on my knee from where I was kicked. Why can't I just tell them? Why is my brain allowing me to keep quiet about it all?

"Bella, come on, please? It's your favorite…" Edward begs.

I notice there are a few bite marks on my stomach from that monster in the hell house. Taking a deep breath, I wipe away my tears and stand up going over to my dresser and pulling out my Eeyore fuzzy pajama pants and one of my dad's old long-sleeved shirts.

"Come on, you must be hungry," Edward continues. "I even brought you some ranch."

I walk over to the bedroom door placing my hand hesitantly on the doorknob closing my eyes. "Mushroom?" I ask with a hoarse voice from all of my screaming and crying.

Edward lets out a gust of air, "Thank god," he whispers to himself. "Yes, love, mushrooms."

I twist the door handle and crack the door just enough to hold my hand out for the plate but instead of a plate, I am met with a hand.

"Will you please come out?" He asks softly rubbing small circles on my palm.

I shake my head then remember he can't see me, so I quietly reply, "No."

"Can I come in then?" He asks squeezing my hand lightly.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," I whisper.

"Mom and dad are worried," He says. "If you want more just let me know," he tells me softly before placing the glass plate in my hand.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

I've kept myself locked up in my bedroom for the past three days and today I finally get dressed in a pair of baby blue leggings and another long-sleeved shirt that says chief on the back, it was my fathers. I slip on my converse before I slowly and quietly make my way down the stairs towards the kitchen.

"So, she lives," I hear Jasper say as I make it halfway through the living room.

I didn't realize anybody was there because I kept my hair down and didn't bother to look ahead. Looking up I notice everyone, but Esme and Carlisle are in the living room. Emmett and Edward were engrossed in a video game and Alice and Rose were painting one another's nails and Jasper was reading a book.

I nod. "Yeah, I guess," I say before walking into the kitchen to make a cup of tea.

As I do that, I look in the pantry for some brownie mix and pull out two boxes then grab the ingredients to bake them. When my tea gets done, I take a sip and get to work on the brownies and after a bit feel someone watching me. Turning around I see Rosalie standing there in the doorway of the kitchen watching my movements.

"Just out of curiosity, why did you come back so soon?" Rose asks when I turn back to mixing the brownie batter.

I shrug a little, "Home sick I guess."

"Home sick?" She questions. "So, it had nothing to do with that bruise on your back or the fact you spent three days locked in your room?"

I clear my throat a little trying not to let my nerves take over me, "That's what I said isn't it?"

"Right…" Rose says after a few minutes. "Well when you want to tell someone the truth, you know where to find me."

I hear her heals click against the hard wood floor and I close my eyes for a few minutes until I feel like I can move again. She's right. So isn't Carlisle and Esme. They're all right. Why can't I just say something?

**A/N: More to come soon but until next time!**

**-bellacullen166**


	9. Chapter 9

**Age: 16**

_I'm ten and a half again and mom left for some type of girl's trip over night with a couple of her friends, leaving me here with Phil, her trusted husband, my wicked nightmare. I tried to beg her not to leave but she wouldn't listen, Phil had convinced her it would be fine. I refused to see her out the door, instead I go up to my room and lock the door before going into my closet and sitting down in the corner with my knees pulled up to my chest._

_His footsteps are loud even though we have carpeted flooring. I hear him trying to open my door but finding it locked he seems to give up. Letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding, I let myself relax slightly but tense back up when I hear him come back. I think he is picking the lock on the door and that realization makes my heart drop in my stomach and I begin shaking._

"_Come on out, Isabella," Phil says when he gets the door open. "I thought we could have a little fun baby, I'll be gentle," He lies._

_I put my hands over my ears, squeezing my eyes shut tightly and try to keep silent. It doesn't work. The closet door opens, and I am hurled to my feet and thrown onto my bed roughly. I let out a small scream and within the next couple of seconds, Phil is straddling my struggling body._

The microwave beeps loudly letting me know that the time is up of the brownies. When did I put them in the oven? Shaking my head, I grab a couple of oven mitts before taking the pan out and checking to make sure the brownies are done fully. They are so put the on the stovetop to cool and turn off the oven but turn it right back on, opting to start on a batch of cookies I seen in the pantry as well.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

For the rest of the day I keep to myself, Jasper and Alice try to come keep me company, but I turn them away. I need to think, to be by myself even though I know it isn't healthy for me to be. Going into the bathroom, I lock the door and strip down to nothing but my sports bra and panties. Looking at myself in the mirror I see that the bruising is still going strong. The bite marks are somehow even more clear against my skin than they were a couple of days ago, you can make out the teeth pattern. I close my eyes and will the memories away, but it doesn't work.

_Phil has pinned me to the living room couch and is roughly nipping my naked skin as I try to get out of his hold. This only makes him even more angry and his nips turns into a full-on bite making me shout in pain. No, no, no, no, no! Phil is grinding his erection on me making me feel nauseous. His mouth trails back up to my breasts swirling his tongue around and biting down making me cry out in pain again. I feel his smile and his right hand starts working on getting my shorts off and I try to fight against him but that seems to make it even harder on me. His rough calloused hand reaches into my panties feeling something that isn't his to feel. _

My eyes open once more, they're bloodshot as I grab my razor and make a few cuts on my arm. They've gotten deeper and bigger with each cut I have been making on myself. I let the blood seep down my arm and into the sink for a few minutes before turning on the sink and putting my arm under the running water. It burns as I rinse it off, but it is a welcome burn. After I get the bleeding to stop, I wrap some gauze around my arm and tape it, so it doesn't fall off or loosen. As soon as I get dressed once more and go back into the bedroom grabbing my iPod and putting my earphones then blasting my music curling up in a ball in the middle of my bed. I don't know how much time has passed but I become aware of someone stroking my hair, so I open my eyes and see Esme sitting next to me with Carlisle at the foot of the bed watching us. I grab my throw blanket next to me and cover up, laying against Esme and drifting back off to sleep.

When I wake up again it is dark outside and sitting up, I realize I am alone. Looking at the clock it tells me that it is three in the morning. Walking to the bathroom I relieve my bladder and make my way downstairs quietly and make my way to the kitchen for something to eat. Esme made chicken parmesan, so I heat up some leftovers and cut myself a piece of brownie from earlier. Once the food is heated up, I grab a glass and pour milk in it then sit at the island poking around the food. When I finally take a bite the kitchen lights turn on and I squint a little and see Carlisle standing in a loose shirt and pajama pants.

"I would like for you to see Dr. Hendricks later on today," Carlisle breaks the silence as I take another bite of chicken.

I nod a little bit looking down at my food suddenly not that hungry anymore and put my fork down pushing the plate away.

"Bella?" He says softly.

I don't look at him, I keep my eyes casted down.

"We just want to help you, I don't know what else to do," He rubs his hands over his face sighing.

"I know," I say finally looking at him and notice how exhausted he looks right now. "What time?"

"Three. I'll have Esme take you," He tells me.

I shake my head. "I'll ride my bike."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

I grab out the monster box under my bed and put in another drawing and writing two different notes, placing it on top and leaving it on my bed. Nobody is home, it's just me so it makes this easier. I grab my bag and place my wrapped-up razor and the bottle of vodka inside then walk out of the bedroom taking one last look around before closing my door most of the way and walking downstairs. My first stop is to see my dad. I set a timer to let me know when it's time to go. I tell him everything and tell him that I will see him soon.

When I get to the hospital, I go to the nurse's station for Carlisle. Once they page for him, I wait, holding onto my bag and he gives me a smile when he walks up.

"You ready?" He asks motioning me to follow him.

Dr. Hendricks is around Carlisle's age, if not slightly older than him and he brings in two different clip boards explaining them. Carlisle stands in the corner of the room giving me some space. They want me to take depression test along with an anxiety test.

"We will be back in, in about ten minutes to give you time to fill it out, okay, Bella?" Dr. Hendricks says softly giving me a smile.

I nod and wait until they're out of the room to answer the questions. I can see that they are nearby through the small window and I see Carlisle answering his phone with a frown. They aren't supposed to be back until later. I bolt out the second door leaving the clip boards on the counter and running as fast as I can outside to my bike. By the time I am peddling out of the hospital lot I can hear my name being called. They weren't supposed to know so soon, I peddle as fast as I can.

**CPOV (Carlisle)**

Esme and I tried calling Renee about the bruising on Bella's back, but she was absolutely no help whatsoever. She claimed she didn't know what we were talking about, that Bella hadn't told her she fell and hurt herself. She then proceeded to ask her husband if he knew anything about it and he denied knowing anything either. I have my suspicions about what went on over there but since Bella won't tell us anything, I have talked to one of my colleagues in the mental health department. I've explained everything to him about what had been going on lately and he agreed she should be seen.

I know that she is in a world of pain but she won't let us help her so this is the next best thing I can think of. If she doesn't feel comfortable enough to talk to Esme or myself, then maybe she will do better with someone she isn't attached to. There is a lot more going on with her than what she is trying to let on and I am not stupid enough to overlook it and put it on the normal hormonal teenage faze. The way she reacts around everybody is almost as if her fight or flight instincts take over and she is looking for a way out. This started even before she went to see her mother and stepfather.

When she first moved in with us, we noticed small things that seemed to set her off, not drastic or anything. Even before moving in she was like that, so we didn't think much of it. Bella had agreed to meet with Dr. Hendricks which lifted a heavy boulder that seemed to be sitting on my chest since she called Esme crying to come home. We had left Bella to fill out a couple of tests to see where she was on her mental health and such when Nurse Kathleen calls me over and tells me Esme is trying to get ahold of me. Taking out my phone I notice three missed called so I dial her back with a slight frown.

"Carlisle!" She shouts frantically. "Is Bella with you?"

"Yes, she's filling out paperwork, what's going on?" I ask worriedly.

I can hear Edward yelling in the background as Esme speaks to me, but she is in such a rush I can hardly understand anything she is trying to tell me.

"I think Bella is going to try to kill herself!" She finally gets out sobbing at the end.

"Dr. Hendricks!" I shout, hanging up on my wife and making a mad dash to the room to find it empty with nothing but the clipboards.

My heart sinks and we get a hold of security to try to catch her and I run my hands through my hair balling up my hands into fists.

"Go home Carlisle, get to your wife," Dr. Hendricks tells me, and I don't think twice about running out to my car and rushing home.

**BPOV**

I don't know how much time has passed but I have drunk half a bottle of this nasty ass vodka and I am feeling pretty damn buzzed due to the lack of food in my system. I still have tears streaming down my cheeks as I pace back and forth on this damn cliff. Kneeling down, I take out my trusted razor, pulling off my shirt so that I am in my tank top that I wore underneath. I make cuts all over my arm and wrist angrily panting by the time I am done with my handiwork. Grabbing the bottle of alcohol, I take yet another drink before pour some over my cuts making me cry out from the burn.

The last thing I remember before I take a running start off the cliff is the feeling of finally being free of everything. I'm not sure if I imagine it, but I think I heard Edward's voice yelling just as I fling myself off and quickly descend before splashing deep into the frigid water. On any normal day it wouldn't be so bad but its only in the low sixties so it's a lot colder than normal and because the skies threaten to storm, it makes it even colder. Everything goes black when I hit my head on what I assume to be a rock and I am at peace finally.

**Age: 11**

"Okay Bells," Dad says, "There are some people I would like for you to meet. They are going to be coming over for dinner in a couple of hours, think you'll be up to that? They've got kids as well and if I am not mistaken, a couple of them are around your age."

I nod a little. "Okay," I say as my chest feels heavy with anxiousness.

What if they don't like me? I've never been too good at making friends, especially after what _he_ did, it just has made me weary of everyone it seems like. I was going to tell dad, but I figured since I live with him now, I should probably keep it to myself so that I can just start over. Just like dad said, there is a knock on the front door, he has me go open it up revealing two adults and five kids.

"You must be Isabella," The woman with long pretty caramel colored hair says with a smile.

Hair's stand up on my arms as she says my full name and right before I go to frown, I remember that she doesn't know any better. "Bella," I correct.

"Well Bella," The tall blonde man says with a smile. "We are Esme and Carlisle. These are our children Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Edward," He points to each of them who give me a smile and a wave of their hand.

"Bells!" Dad shouts from the kitchen making me flinch at the sound. "Let the Cullen's in!"

Oh, right, I step to the side and everybody piles into our living room. Once everyone is inside, I close and lock the front door and go into the kitchen with my dad as Esme and Carlisle follow me. I grab onto my dad's shirt, something I started doing when I feel nervous or uncomfortable. Dad chuckles at me patting me on my back gently.

"Why don't you kids go outside and play?" Carlisle suggests. "They don't bite, Bella, I promise," He tells me with a friendly smile.

I look up at my dad who nudges me, so I sigh and follow everybody right back through the front door. The bigger boy who seems to have a ton of muscle, suggests we play tag to pass the time. Oh boy! Me and running don't exactly get along.

"Come on, Bellsie!" He shouts. "We won't let you get hurt," he smiles. I think that one's name is Emmett.

The boy with reddish brown hair taps me on my shoulder softly grabbing my attention with a smile. "I'm Edward and that big doof over there," he points to the boy who suggested tag, "is Emmett. He might look scary, but he is just a teddy bear when you get to know him," Edward says.

I smile shyly at him and the blonde boy named Jasper decides the shorter girl with dark hair is 'it', so we all take off running.

**Age: 12**

"Edward!" I hear Alice shout. "You can't just hog Bella all night long," She pouts. "We're her friends too you know!"

I laugh as she crosses her arms and taps her foot but stop as soon as she looks at me with a scowl. "Mani-pedi's. Five minutes young lady!" She says before turning around and stalking off.

Edward and I look at each other before starting to laugh. "Well I guess I gotta go before she sends in reinforcements," I say standing up much to Edwards disapproval.

"I can always just tuck you away and hide from them," He tells me with a smile.

**Age: 13**

Esme is quiet as she takes me to Carlisle's office, her eyes are red, and I tried asking what was wrong, but she wouldn't tell me. She told me that I would have to wait until we got to Carlisle and they would talk to me together.

"Why isn't my dad here? I thought he was supposed to pick me up from school today?" I question with a frown. "Why am I leaving school early?"

"Sweetheart," Esme says sniffling. "Please just wait for Carlisle okay?"

My frown grows even deeper, but I nod in agreement and a few minutes later we are pulling up to the hospital. Walking inside I see Carlisle standing at the entrance and I run up to him. As normal he automatically picks me up into his arms and I start on my assault of questioning. Carlisle walks us to his office, keeping quiet but keeps exchanging looks with Esme I notice.

"What's going on?" I ask in a small voice as Carlisle sits me down in one of the chairs before he leans against his desk as Esme closes the door.

Carlisle tells me that something bad had happened while I was at school and that is why Esme picked me up from school early. I ask them what happened but before they tell me what is wrong, they give me a big hug. Esme is the one who breaks the heavy silence and as soon as the words leave her mouth, I start shout at them. I tell them that they are lying and before I know it, I am running out the hospital doors and hightailing it home.

"Dad!" I yell as I run inside the house. "Daddy!" I scream louder running through the small house only tripping a couple of times before going into his room and collapsing onto his bed.

**Age: 13**

Esme has taught me about periods and becoming a lady as I take a shower embarrassed that I woke up in a pool of my own blood. This is my very first period and let me tell you, I _hate_ it. My stomach is in knots and I want chocolate all the time. By all of the time I mean, ever since I woke up, I have been craving it. When I get out of the shower, I dress in a pair of fuzzy pajama pants and one of dad's old t-shirts. It's only been a month or so since he has died so I am still a little sensitive and as soon as I get the shirt on, I start crying. Esme comforts me for a half hour afterwards until I calm down and we go bake some brownies.

**Age: 13**

We are playing chicken in the pool and right now it's between Jasper and Alice along with me and Edward. Everyone is shouting and rooting but, in the end, I finally get Alice to fall in the water with a big splash. Edward lets me off his shoulders and we high five each other laughing as Alice comes up sputtering up water.

"I call a re-do!" She shouts at us.

Jasper laughs splashing her. "Oh, come on Alice, they won."

"Kids!" Esme yells. "Dinner is ready!"

Everybody scrambles to get out of the pool and over to the outside table aside from me and Edward. We instead wait until everybody is done fighting for their spot before making our way slowly over to the table. The two of us talk quietly on our way over before taking our seats next to each other. Esme distributes the plates full of food and Edward hands me his extra corn on the cob and I give him my extra broccoli.

**Age: 16**

I vaguely remember bright lights flashing in my eyes and my whole body feels as if it is completely numb. There is a voice talking to me, telling me to stay awake. The voice tells me that they are sorry for something that I can't make out. Sorry for what? There is an annoying siren in the background, and I beg for it to go away. I'm not sure how long I am in a peaceful darkness but when the darkness lifts up, my body doesn't feel so heavy anymore.

"Baby, you look so beautiful," I hear a familiar voice say.

My head snaps around trying to find the person behind the voice. "Hello?" I ask as the darkness gets replaced by my old home.

"I'm right here, Bells," the voice says, and I continue to search for the person.

Bells? Nobody calls me that except… when I turn around, I see him. My heart leaps in my chest and I take off in a run towards him.

"Daddy!" I cry out before leaping into his strong arms and cling to him as if my life depends on it. "You're here," I say breathing his familiar scent in. Cinnamon and spice.

"I've always been here, Bells. I've always been with you and will always be with you," He tells me kissing my head. "It isn't your time; do you understand me?" Dad says pulling away to look at me. "You don't have to be scared, or hurt, or in pain anymore. You've been through some hell Bells, but this isn't the way you are meant to go."

"But I can't do it anymore, dad. I just want it to end," I sob as he hugs me close.

"You can do it. You have to do it, Bells. They know everything now. Everything will turn out alright in time. I need you to listen to me," He says softly kissing my head once more breathing me in just as I had with him. "You are not going to die. You are going to live a very long life and when your time comes, I will be right here waiting for you. No matter where you are in life, I will be there," his hand rests on the middle of my chest, "in here. Always. Do you understand me?"

"But I want to go with you," I wipe away my tears. "I've missed you so much."

He gives me a sad smile. "As I have missed you, but this isn't your time and this isn't the way you are meant to go," Dad repeats.

I nod taking a deep breath. "Okay, daddy," I whisper just as things go fuzzy and I start screaming for him to help me.

**A/N: A few more chapters left, and this story should be finished! I might post an alternative outcome; I am pondering on that one though, but I will let you guys know what I decide to do. Let me know what you think!**

**-bellacullen166**


	10. Chapter 10

**Age: 17 **

My eyes snap open as I hear a beeping noise that goes off every few seconds and as my eyes adjust to the lighting, I see Carlisle and Esme on my left side and Edward on my right side. All three of them have their hands on me as they sleep, and I move both of my hands but notice they are strapped to the bed. What happened? Edward starts waking up and I can hear him sniffle a little bit, lifting his head up I see he looks like a complete mess.

"Bella," His voice cracks when he says my name. "Mom," he shakes Esme's hand getting her to wake up and as she lifts her head up and instantly shaking Carlisle awake as well.

Carlisle wakes up just as a doctor walks inside with a nurse and instantly he smiles a kind but sad smile towards me.

"Hello, Bella. Do you remember me?" He asks as he squirts hand sanitizer on his hands.

I think he is the doctor from the other day, so I nod but shrug at the same time and take a look at the nurse that came in with him. She is currently checking things on the machine that won't stop beeping.

"My name is Dr. Hendricks, we met about two weeks ago. Do you remember that?" He questions and it clicks as to who he is now.

"Yeah," I say but instantly snap my mouth closed as I feel my throat burn. Two weeks have passed, that means I am no longer sixteen anymore and that I had been in here longer than I had thought.

"Sarah could you grab a cup of water for Bella please?" Dr. Hendricks says to the nurse who nods and walks away.

Once the nurse comes back, she holds the cup up to my mouth after putting a straw in and I take a few drinks before releasing the straw.

"Are you feeling up to talking?" Dr. Hendricks asks me.

My eyes flash between Esme and Carlisle then drift over to Edward who I notice is rubbing soothing circles on my right hand. Everybody looks exhausted and is watching me in anticipation. What they are trying to anticipate, I am not sure, and Dr. Hendricks says something to Carlisle who stands and motions for Esme and Edward to follow him. Both Carlisle and Esme kiss my temple whispering in my ear that they love me, and Edward kisses my cheek.

"Momma!" I shout suddenly scared to be alone with Dr. Hendricks.

Esme is instantly back at my side looking even more worried than she had before when I first seen her wake up. Carlisle and Edward stop to look over at us, pausing for a brief moment before continuing out.

"If you would like for Esme to stay, she can most certainly do so," Dr. Hendricks tells me softly, sitting down on the spinning chair all hospitals have. "I just thought you might be a little comfortable to talk alone."

I start shaking my head and hold onto my momma's hand afraid she will leave me alone with him. She sits down in the chair Edward had been sitting in and holds my hand.

"Okay, that's perfectly fine," Dr. Hendricks clears his throat. "Do you remember what happened when you left here?"

I nod and start talking about the events of that day and as I spoke, I realized that I wasn't so afraid anymore. As I spoke, I realized that I am starting to feel better, that the pressure that had been constantly sitting on my chest loosens its hold.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

**Two months later:**

I have been anxiously looking out of the window of this small rooms window waiting for Carlisle and Esme to pick me up. After everything that happened a couple of months ago, that seem to feel like centuries ago now, I decided it was best to stay in the Psych Ward part of the hospital. I'm not crazy or anything, but when I flung myself off that cliff after getting highly intoxicated and cutting up my arm, I wanted a place that could provide support twenty-four seven. Esme and Carlisle agreed but I know they didn't fully like the fact I wouldn't be home, but it was for the best. I _needed_ this and I am much better for it.

_Today is my first official stay in the ward and I have to say that I am absolutely terrified. I know I agreed to do this, but I didn't realize how I would actually feel when Carlisle and Esme left to go home. Dr. Hendricks leaves me to put away my belongings and as I do so I feel myself kicking the mental voice telling me to 'run', down as much as I can. I don't want to run. I don't want to be afraid anymore. Tomorrow we start one on one therapy and later on there will be a group therapy session. I am not sure how I feel about talking to a bunch of strangers about everything that I have gone through, but Dr. Hendricks says that most everybody has those doubts until we adjust to it. _

_As I lay in this twin sized bed, I have to fight to stay awake, Dr. Hendricks wanted to wait until he had a proper evaluation of me to put me on any medication. Right now, I wish I was at home, I wish I was with Edward in his room listening to music like we once did. Tears stream down my face as I drift off to a very uneasy slumber. _

There were many nights where I refused help, where I just wanted to escape and to not be on this earth anymore. There were many days where they had to force me out of bed. There were many times where I just broke down, not understanding why anything even happened to me at all. I was a bit 'woo is all me' I guess, and I feel terrible about that. Carlisle and Esme came to see me every day that they were permitted to, the others, they wanted to come, and they were able to, but I didn't want to see them. I'm not sure if it was that _I_ didn't want to see them or if I didn't want them to see _me. _Everybody wrote me letters so that they knew they loved me, it made me happy and sad that I had really thought they would've been better off without me.

Dr. Hendricks, at my request, made copies of all the letters they would send with either Carlisle or Esme so that I could give them back, with a letter of my own when I was ready. Today I will be giving them these letters as soon as we get home. I've made copies of everything to keep for myself. I start to fidget as I continue to wait for Carlisle and Esme to show up and my mind drifts off to my stay here.

"_Momma!" I yell running and jumping into her arms. Last night had been really bad for me and I wanted nothing more than to be in her arms to protect me again. "Don't let him get me," I cry into her chest._

_As I cling to her for dear life, Dr. Hendricks explains what happened. Last night I had woke up from another nightmare and I had seen __him__ in the corner of my room. I had screamed bloody murder on the top of my lungs until Dr. Hendricks and two other nurses got to me. It took a lot to get me to calm down, they even had to give me a shot that barely helped but helped enough to let me think and listen. Dr. Hendricks reminds me that Phil isn't in this state, let alone in this room. Phil is locked up and won't be out anytime soon._

"Bella?" Dr. Hendricks pulls me from my thoughts. "Are you ready?"

Looking from my window, I stand up and grab my suitcase and grab my letters from the small desk. This is it. Today is the day I get to go home and see my family for the first time in what feels like an eternity. Dr. Hendricks grabs my bag for me, and we walk slowly down the hallway passing nurses, patients, and doctors. I suddenly stop in my tracks which forces Dr. Hendricks to stop as well to look at me.

"Bella?" He asks as he takes a step towards me.

My anxiety spikes as my heart seems to beat uncontrollably in my chest. "What if they're mad when they see me?" I ask just above a whisper.

"We've been over this Bella, they love you and cannot wait for you to be home," He tells me once more. "Now come on, I know you're excited to leave this place and be where you belong."

I nod and we continue to walk down the hall, before I know it, Carlisle and Esme are walking through the front doors and smile when they see me. My heart is pounding as I reach them and the pull me into a big hug.

"Let's go, home, shall we?" Carlisle asks kissing my head.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

"Is everybody home?" I ask as we reach our driveway.

"Unfortunately, Emmett and Rosalie's flight got delayed so they won't be here until very early tomorrow morning," Esme tells me as she rubs my hand and giving it a squeeze.

I nod slightly and am now aware that nobody, aside from Carlisle and Esme, have seen my scars and I start to fidget in my seat trying to look around for something to cover up with.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Carlisle asks as he comes to a stop and parks the car.

"I don't have a jacket," I say as a lump in my throat forms.

Carlisle gets out of the car and opens my door crouching down beside me and putting his finger under my chin to have me look at him.

"Why do you want to hide?" He asks softly. "You are comfortable with me and Esme, they love you no matter what."

"But- "I start to say but Carlisle interrupts me.

"They love you, Bella. No matter what. Your scars are a part of who you are. They do not define you and you are far too beautiful to hide," Carlisle tells me softly before standing back and holding out his hand for me.

Taking a deep breath, I slide my hand in his and let him help me get out of the car. As Esme grabs my bag, Alice, Jasper, and Edward step out onto the porch. Alice is jumping in place as we make our way slowly up to the house. Before we can get to the first step, Alice squeals and launches her body into my own. Luckily Carlisle see's this coming and shifts behind me to catch us. She cries as she wraps her arms around me, and I don't notice when we land on the grass from the force. We hug each other tightly as we both cry talking to one another.

I'm not sure how much time has passed but we look up when we hear a car pulling up the driveway. As we stand up, I notice that it is a yellow taxicab and when the car comes to a halt, Emmett and Rosalie step out of the car. My heart lurches in my chest as I make a run towards Emmett and propel my own self much like Alice had done, into Emmett's arms.

"Emmy!" I cry as I run and he replies with his own, "Bellsie!"

Rosalie clears her throat after a few minutes, and I let my legs unwrap from Emmett and turn towards Rosalie.

"What am I? Chopped liver?" She asks trying to hide a smile as tears form in her eyes.

As Rosalie and I hug, I notice the rest of the family helps unpack the vehicles.

"Esme said you guys wouldn't be here until tomorrow morning," I say as I unwrap myself from Rose.

"Weeeelllll," Emmett says in a high-pitched tone, "When threatening to sue for emotional distress- "Rosalie finishes his sentence with, "I traded a lady my brand-new Jimmy Choo's to get her tickets."

"Not your Jimmy Choo's!" I say knowing full well how much she loves her shoes.

"Oh, yes. The one and only," She says as she fake wipes away a tear. "But only because we wanted to be here right when you came home," She pulls me into one more hug. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"I've been waiting forever over here you know!" Jasper shouts making his way over to us.

I can't help but let out a small laugh as I turn around and meet him halfway to each other. Getting engulfed in his arms, I hug him tightly closing my eyes. Unlike with Alice, Emmett, or Jasper we just stand there enjoying the silence for a few minutes, until I feel a tap on my shoulder. Edward. His eyes are sad, and it looks like he hasn't slept much lately. Jasper releases me and looking around I notice everybody has now gone inside so when Jasper kisses me on my temple and walks inside, it's only the two of us.

"Hey," He whispers.

Minutes pass along before my breathing picks up and a bunch of thoughts just go around mushing its way through my mind. "I'm sorry I- "I start to say but get interrupted by Edward pulling me roughly against his chest and holding onto me tightly. I cry. I cry harder than what I have in a very long time. I cry because I know how much pain I've caused everyone.

"I was a dick," He whispers in my ear. "I didn't mean for anything to go sour between us. You have every right to hate me. You were right all along though, and I am sorry I didn't listen to you to begin with. Maybe then- "Edwards voice cracks as he seems to fight off crying as well. "I'm sorry," He whispers holding me even tighter.

I shake my head against his chest taking a deep breath before unwillingly pull away just enough to look up at him. His hands come up to my face and wipe away my tears before grabbing a hold of my hands and leading me up to the porch swing.

Where do I start? What do I say? What the hell can I say to make him believe that it wasn't his fault that I did what I did. It never was and there was no way in hell that I wanted him to think that, ever. It was my fault I let things go so far because I didn't know how to express what I was feeling. I didn't know how much it would help to speak about it. So, I kept it in. I let it eat away at my mind and took it out on my body. I allowed Phil to control me because I was afraid; I was afraid he'd hurt my mother but even worse as my anger continued to build up until I hated everything about myself.

"It wasn't your fault," I start as we sit in silence for a few minutes. "It never was." Taking a deep breath, I shift so that I could face him directly. "Carlisle and Esme told me you found everything in my room… they even brought everything with them to our first session… why wasn't the second letter there, Edward?" I ask afraid to even know the answer.

Edward opens his mouth to speak but closes it not knowing what to say and I don't blame him. My note _was_ supposed to sting him a little, but I never thought it through. I never thought it would affect him as it seems to be doing right at this moment. At the time I _wanted_ him to know just how much he had hurt me since that stupid Halloween party. I _wanted_ him to know that I had fought tooth and nail to get passed the nightmares that constantly consumed my mind but in the end it won and I had to give into the darkness that was my head telling me to do things I never would have done had it not been for Phil.

**A/N: Little bit of a cliffy. More to come soon, as for Topaz Eyes, I am kinda drawing a blank at the moment so that is why I haven't updated that story. There won't be too many more chapters for this as I see it coming to an end, not sure though so we will see. Until next time!**

**-bellacullen166**


	11. Chapter 11

"I put it in my pocket," Edward tells me quietly. "I uh- "He takes a deep breath before continuing, "I found everything in your room and when I put everything together in my head, everything seemed to click and when I shouted for mom, I shoved the note in my pocket… I held onto it. Mom gathered everything up and never asked me if there was anything else, so I kept it to myself, I didn't want mom or dad to see what I had done to you. I never should have said that to you, love. I'm sorry for ever saying that. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you like I promised," Edwards voice seems get strung up by knots in his throat.

"It's not your fault," I tell him, grabbing onto his hand and squeezing it. "It never was," I sigh closing my eyes for a few moments. "When I wrote that… I knew that you would know what it meant, and I knew that it would hurt you a bit and I think that's what I wanted… I _wanted _the words to cut through you much like they had with me when you said them to me. I _wanted_ you to feel a little hopeless," Tears stream down my face and I squeeze my eyes closed. "I'm sorry that I even wanted that for you because nothing that happened, happened _because_ of you. It happened because of me and it- "I get cut off my Edward covering my mouth with his hand.

"You didn't ask for any of this to happen, Isabella Marie Swan. You didn't tell that _sick fuck_," Edward hisses those two words, "to do what he did. You didn't do anything wrong except for maybe not telling anyone," His forehead is resting against mine as he finishes up his statement. "I'm sorry, I never should've broken that promise and I will forever find ways to make that up to you," He whispers.

Emmett pops his head out from the front door, "Ma says lunch is ready," He tells us giving me a smile as I look at him.

I nod and make a move to stand up, pulling Edward with me and walking inside right behind Emmett. As we eat our lunch, Alice fills me in on some stuff I missed out on and Rosalie tells me all about college. We all laugh as Rosalie tells the story of Emmett going all macho on some guy that was chatting up Rose at some type of under twenty-one club. The poor guy just wanted to know if Emmett was single and if he was if he could get his number. I don't think I had laughed so hard in such a long time, I had tears running down my cheeks by time Emmett tried to defend himself.

I've missed my family and as I sit here nibbling on my pasta salad, I'm glad that I didn't die that day when I flung myself off that cliff. Not only would I have missed the chance to get better and come home in a stitched up one piece, but I would've also missed the way Edward seems to be looking at me when he thinks I don't notice. As everyone shares a story or two, I shift in my seat and grab onto Edwards hand, tracing patterns on his palm like I used to do when we were younger. Looking over, I notice something coming out of his pocket and I frown slightly.

"Can we have a bon fire?" I ask abruptly, cutting off Jasper and I quickly give him an apologetic look for interrupting him; Jasper gives me a smile, letting me know it's okay.

"Sure, just need to get some wood from the store," Carlisle says looking over at me with a quizzical expression.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

After lunch was over, I grabbed the letters I wrote everyone and handed them back to each person. I told them to read it on their own time. Alice and Jasper made a mad dash to their room to open them up, Emmett and Rosalie took their time in following suit, and Edward stood there looking at me until I offered to sit with him. He took the bait and grabbed my hand, leading me into his bedroom and onto his bed. I sit quietly as he reads each letter, I rub his hand when he has to stop and catch his breath from holding it in. As he finishes up reading the letters, I pull my legs up to my chest and play with the throw blanket on his bed. Edward places the letters in his bedside table before sitting up against his headboard.

I don't say anything, I wait until he is ready to speak. Much to my surprise, it doesn't take long before I feel his hand on my ankle, tugging gently and as I look at him, he motions to come closer. Within seconds, I am sitting in between his legs and he hugs me to him from behind. I concentrate on the rhythm of his breathing as Edward takes my arm and gently traces my scars.

"How were you even able to hide this?" Edward asks quietly laying hid head in the crook of my neck.

"Makeup in the very beginning," I tell him softly. "I would cover it in foundation and hope for the best. It started out as some cat scratches and when they became more like a bear got a hold of me, a lot of long-sleeved shirts. It was a lot easier when it was cold out, when it got warmer out is when it became a bit harder because I had to find thin shirts to wear," I shrug. "It was easy for the most part, especially since I only really hung out with the family. Pretending I loved long-sleeved shirts were hard, cutting was easy. As long as I put on a good poker face, I found nobody questioned the way I dressed," I shift a bit so I could look at him. "Why did you and Jessica break up?" I ask.

"The night before you decided it would have been better for you not to inhabit this earth," Edward tells me and lays his head back against his headboard. "Jessica started to get even more difficult to be around after the truth or dare party. She'd say little things at first, snide remarks as normal. The day after the party- when she stormed out of my bedroom- she went off because I whispered your name in my sleep. Not like I can control what my dreams are or what I say in my sleep," He shakes his head. "After that she completely lost it. When I went to meet up with her the morning after we broke up, she told me she knew why I was so protective of you against her. I went looking for you after ditching her in the café and when I seen that your door was open…"

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "Not that you broke up with the wench, but because you found everything," I tell him honestly.

"I'm glad I did."

We are broken out of our bubble by a knock at the door and both Jasper and Alice come in and climb onto the bed. Alice gets comfortable, laying her head on my lap as Jasper climbs in behind her, holding my hand and relaxing against some pillows. Before long, Emmett and Rosalie come walking in, not even bothering to knock, and make themselves comfortable where they can on the bed. Rose finds her a spot on my torso as Emmett snuggles behind her somehow managing not to fall off the bed and places a hand on my arm. Nothing is said between any of us and I guess we must have all been all kinds of tired because when I open my eyes again, Esme is taking pictures of us.

"Would you like to help with dinner?" Esme asks with a smile.

I nod and try to move but everybody is on top of me which makes it next to impossible. We laugh a bit as she helps untangle me from my family and finally, we make our way down to the kitchen. Right before dinner gets done, Carlisle walks in with the wood for the bon fire.

"Can I have everything?" I ask quietly and wait for the response.

"Do you think you can handle it?" Carlisle questions standing beside me and kissing my head.

"There are a few things I would like to get rid of," I explain.

"Are you sure sweetheart?" Esme says coming to stand on the other side of me, grabbing my hand gently in hers.

I nod. "I need to. Please?"

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After we got done eating dinner, Carlisle went out to start the fire with Emmett right behind him, so I make my way up to my bedroom where I put everything. Quickly I change into some sweatpants and a light jacket and as I am putting everything in a box to take down, there is a knock on my door.

"Come in," I say loud enough for the person to hear.

I don't bother turning around to see who it is, I already know without even looking just by his presence. Once I have everything I need in the box, I get down on the floor and reach under my bed.

"What are you doing?" Edward asks softly as he comes to kneel next to me, trying to see what I am doing.

"Getting," I say with my voice slightly strained with stretching, "this." I sigh as I grab the bag and pull it out.

His eyebrows pull together forming a questioning look, but I don't dare elaborate anything as I stand back up, putting said bag on top of the box. Going to the bathroom, I grab my old best friend that, while should've colored silver, turned red when used. I can feel Edwards eyes on me as I walk throughout the bedroom and bathroom, but I try not to pay attention in fear what I might see in his eyes when I look at him. When I am satisfied that I have everything I want to get rid of, I stand there just looking at it for a few minutes before I am wrapped up in Edwards arms. I wrap my arms around his torso and hold on for dear life as he squeezes me to him. I realize I had started crying but didn't notice until I smothered my face in his chest.

"Sorry," I mumble against his now damp shirt taking a deep breath and pull away from his embrace sniffling.

"Come on, love, I'm sure the fire is ready by now," Edward kisses my head and offers to take the box, but I shake my head so while on the way down he makes sure I don't trip over a dust particle and fall.

There is music playing lowly in the background as we make our way out and I sit the box down, ignoring everyone's stares as I do so. Carlisle hands out the metal rod thing magigs to roast marshmallows on. As we always did when we were kids, Edward and I share one because they had always been down one. We take our seats, mine close to Edwards and Alice on my other side. Light conversation rolls around each of us and I can't help the feeling of sorrow that build in my chest as I look at everybody. I can't believe I thought that they would've been better off without me.

"Bella, did you hear anything I just said?" Alice asks raising an eyebrow at me as Jasper chuckles.

"Uh… shopping?" I question seeing as this is Alice, I am sure that is what she was just talking about.

"Yes, next weekend. All of us are going shopping," She says almost surprised that I guessed correctly.

The rest of the night goes on quietly and Carlisle and Esme take their leave, giving me a kiss on the head. Slowly everybody else goes in, leaving only Edward and I outside. We sit in silence for a while before I stand up from my chair and grab the box behind me. I pull everything out. Edward watches me closely as I start tearing up some pages and tossing them in the fire. I'm not sure how much time passes, but I realize I am down to the bag of clothing and my silver paint brush of comfort. It is at this point, that I pause, trying to push the memories away. I feel Edwards hand get placed on my shoulder gently as he pulls me to his chest.

"You can do it," He tells me softly in my ear before releasing me.

And just like that, I toss both items in the firepit without a second thought. I turn to look at Edward, noticing his eyes are watching me closely. I don't think he is monitoring me; it is almost as if he wants to say something maybe but doesn't.

"Your turn," I tell him.

"What?" He asks quietly.

"Your pocket. It is your turn," I repeat to him.

A few seconds pass before he digs into his front pocket and pulls out the piece of paper he has held onto. He opens the note and reads it once more before looking at me with sad eyes.

"You can do it," I tell him and kiss his cheek.

"With me?" He asks softly taking my hand.

"Okay," I reply and we both put the paper into the fire, watching it as it turns to ash in the flame.

After a bit, Edward looks at the time and stands up from his chair and holds out his hand for me to take. Without question, I let him pull me up and he takes my arms, putting them around his neck before placing his hands on my hips. We sway slowly to the music that is still playing in the background. When the song ends, Edward pulls away just a bit to look down at me and I look back up at him. His eyes trail down to my lips as I do the same to him. Does he want to kiss me? I sure as hell have always wanted to kiss him, but I never thought he would want to do that with me. Before I can dwell on that for too long, his mouth presses against mine and my whole body seems to light up with a tingling warm feeling.

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**EPOV (Edward)**

I keep replaying our kiss over and over in my head, I can't help the smile that plays on my face. Looking at my bedside clock, I notice it reads three in the morning just as I hear her small scream. Shooting up out of my bed, I open up my door just as both Alice and Jasper poke their heads out of their room

"I got it," I tell them.

"About time you realize it," Jasper says with a smile before they retreat back inside their bedroom.

I don't bother knocking on her door, I just let myself in and see that the blankets are all twisted around her ankles, so I fix them and wake her up gently. Bella wakes up after a few minutes of coaxing and tries to hold herself together as I crawl over her and lay next to her pulling her close to my chest.

"Its okay Bella, I'll protect you," I repeat the exact words I told her the first night she stayed over when we were younger. "I promise," I kiss her head.

This time I won't be letting anybody, or anything come between us. One day I will make up for all the wrong doings I have done, both to my family, but especially to Bella. As she relaxes into my side, I hear my name being mumbled and I look down to see she has fallen back to sleep. Leaning down I kiss her temple and move the stray hairs that matted themselves to her forehead away. It is about that moment that I know in my heart I will marry this beautiful girl beside me, I will marry my best friend.

"I love you, Isabella Marie Swan," I murmur in her ear before allowing sleep to take over my own body.

**A/N: Soo, that happened as you can see. Pretty sure I want this to be the last chapter, but I think I will ponder with that for a bit before deciding. How did you guys like it? Let me know and review but until next time folks!**

**-bellacullen166**


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